A Healing Heart
by cecelle
Summary: When Hogwarts' new Runes mistress gets an assignment from Dumbledore concerning a certain Potions master, nothing goes as expected... COMPLETE
1. Enter Marya

"Professor Morava?"

A voice interrupted her daydream. Marya Morava, newly appointed Ancient Runes mistress at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, snapped back into reality. She had been looking over her lesson plans, getting ready for the coming school year, but on a beautiful summer day like this it was hard to concentrate on the ancient writings.

She looked up to see a house-elf peeking timidly in through the door of her study. "The Headmaster be wanting to see Madam, please. He sents Binky to tell you."

"Please tell him I am on my way."

As the house-elf disappeared, Marya pulled herself up from her chair, and stepped up to the mirror for a cursory check before going to see Albus Dumbledore. Looking back at her was a small woman with dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and a smattering of freckles around her slightly upturned nose. She made a face at herself, and after quickly smoothing down a few unruly strands of hair, started for Dumbledore's office.

The headmaster sat at his desk, reminiscing. It had been a couple of year since he last had seen his god-child – even though her frequent letters kept him well updated on all the going-ons in her life. After her parents had been killed in the first war against the Dark, he had taken on the role of a substitute father figure.

Hardly anyone knew – while still a student, Marya had been dead set against letting anyone in the school in on her relationship with the Headmaster. Not that he could blame her. He had always been available, though, at a distance, there when she needed him, a constant in her life that she could count on.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in!" he called. As the door opened, he held out his arms and she rushed into them, smiling up at him.

"How are you, Marya? You look wonderful, dear. I do hope you are settling in – I'm sorry I haven't had time to meet with you, but regrettably, current events are keeping me quite occupied these days," he said with a rueful grin.

Her face clouded over. The reemergence of Lord Voldemort had brought back so many painful memories – and she had been under orders to do _nothing_. Wait. Learn. Study. She had worked hard - she had becomes accomplished at Ancient Runes, taking night courses while studying as a Healer, the job she felt would be of value to the Order.

"I've grown up now. Maybe now I can be of more help to you? I'm tired of waiting; there must be something I can do? I'd like to feel like I am doing something to help fight, something of consequence..."

Dumbledore's face turned serious. "Marya, I _do _have a job for you, something I think you would be perfectly suited for."

Her heart jumped. Finally, she would be able to do more than watch from the side lines.

"You remember Professor Snape?"

Her face must have showed her confusion. Why was he bringing up Snape? Yes, she remembered him – she had taken Potions all the way through to the N.E.W.T. levels, hadn't she? Sneering face, hissing voice, sallow face, the way he mercilessly picked on some (well, most) of his students – oh yes, she remembered him all right, but there was no fondness in her memories. What did Snape have to do with her task?

"Severus Snape does some of the most valuable work for the Order. What he does is dangerous, stressful, and puts a great deal of strain on him. Someone should keep an eye on him, help him out, and see that he takes care of himself. Marya, I would like you to look after his well-being, to be a friend to him, if you will. Believe me, he needs one."

Marya walked away a couple steps and turned her back on Albus. She was seething. Here she was expecting an assignment to help battle the Dark Lord, and what was she asked to do? Baby-sit an aging and unpleasant Potions master? Well, yes, that sounded like a thrilling task, didn't it?

Albus Dumbledore walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. "I know that isn't what you had in mind. You _are_ now on staff, and you managed to make it through school without drawing much negative attention from him in class. Quite an accomplishment in and of itself." He chuckled. "That means you are the only one herewho might be able to pull this off. Everyone else has too much of a history with him. I can't say I envy you – he's difficult man. Your job will not be easy. He hasn't let anyone get close to him in years. I assure you though that this is not a trivial task I am setting you – it IS important."

"Can you tell me what he does that is so important, at least?" Marya asked.

"I'm afraid not," Dumbledore answered regretfully. "No one outside of the Order knows – maybe one day, when I think you are ready to join..."

Her shoulders sagging, she turned around and looked at him. Well, if he was ever going to allow her to join the Order, it wouldn't do to turn down the first assignment he offered her, would it? She sighed in acquiescence. "I can't say I like it. But if you feel that is what you need me to do right now..."

"Thank you, Marya." His eyes twinkled. "I felt so confident in our answer that I have summoned him. He should be here any minute."

As if on cue, there was knock on the door. As she turned around, she saw the Potions master enter – and she almost gasped. It had only been three years since she had last run into him while visiting – but he had changed much more than that time warranted. His face looked gaunt and strained. He had always been thin, but now he was skin-and-bones. Deep lines edged his face. There was a strand of grey in his listless, greasy black hair. Maybe Dumbledore had a point.

* * *

A/N (added after completion): 

This is a fluffy romance of the old fashioned variety (meaning suitable for just about the whole family.) Rating is due to some mild swear words.

This was my first attempt at fanfiction. The quality improves after about chapter 6, I think, and it turned out ok. Let me know if you agree! Luckily, the first few chapters are short. I think I managed to hit quite a few lovely clichés, LOL! I just didn't know any better before then ;-)

Anyways, I am still fond of the story, and hope you will enjoy it, too.

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and settings are owned by Warner Bros and JK Rowling.


	2. Enter Snape

Sparing her barely a glance, Snape looked questioningly at Dumbledore.

"Severus, meet Marya Morava. You may remember her from your classes – she got an Outstanding in Potions on her N.E.W.T."

Turning towards the young woman, Snape gave her a scrutinizing look. Yes, now that his memory had been prompted, he did vaguely remember her – a good student, unobtrusive, polite. A Ravenclaw, if he remembered right. Nothing about her that made her stand out.

"She has been hired as the replacement Runes mistress. Since she is a first year teacher at Hogwarts, I would like her to have a mentor that she can ask any... pertinent questions. As a long time staff member, I thought you were eminently suited for the role?"

Snape sneered. "I am sorry, Headmaster, but I'm sure you are aware that I have better things to do right now than baby-sit some young chit. May I suggest Professor McGonagall? I am certain she would make a much better nanny than me."

Marya's cheeks turned redder by the minute. She was stewing. Never mind that she had just used the same term in her mind, but – baby-sit her? Who did he think she was? She looked at him icily. If he was noticing, he didn't let on.

Dumbledore continued on as if Snape had said nothing. "It should not take a lot of your time, Marya is a very bright young woman. I am telling you this in confidence, but she is my god-daughter. Her parents were some of my dearest friends. As a teacher, she will be an asset to our school. I feel very confident that you will give her every help needed to make a successful start here at Hogwarts." The last was said with a slightly warning note.

Snape sighted inwardly. Dumbledore's god-daughter. There didn't seem to be any way to wiggle out of this one. "As you wish," he said resignedly.

Marya looked resigned as well. Remembering Dumbledore's request, she bit back the acid reply that had been on her tongue, and meekly said, "Thank you. I will try not to take up too much of your valuable time." The Potions master just nodded curtly in her direction, and left.

"Well, Marya, the rest is up to you. It isn't going to be easy."

She venomously thought "_You are darn right it won't be,"_ but out loud she simply said, "I will try. Honestly."

Back in her room that night, she mentally ran through different scenarios about how to get on Snape's good side. Every situation she pictured ended with some biting remark on his part and humiliation on hers. Memories of past interaction with Snape left her not much room to conclude that there would be anything encouraging coming from his side.

All I can do is simply be kind, she resolved, no matter what he throws back at me. And prepare for the long haul. Drawing back her shoulders and sitting up straight, she pulled herself together – she would treat it as a puzzle. Every riddle had a solution, and she would simply have to find the answer to this one.


	3. May I have this dance?

The next few weeks proved an exercise in frustration and futility for Marya. Every attempt at starting a conversation was thwarted; friendly greetings were ignored or barely responded to. He was paying about as much attention to her as he would to a pesky fly. Well, less, actually.

Observing him in conversation with the other teachers, she thought that Dumbledore's idea of Snape as a mentor had been a colossal miscalculation. The few times she did see him in the staff room, he seemed quite capable of carrying on a civil conversation with everyone _except_ her. Though his interaction with the rest of the staff was impersonal, it was civil. No one seemed to particularly like him, but they did seem to respect him. It appeared to simply be the fact that he had been _told_ to take her under his wings that made him determined to stay away from her. The Potions master seemed to have quite a stubborn streak.

Once, in desperation, she drummed up a question to ask him even though she knew the answer, simply to be able to talk to him. His silky cold voice asking her with mock concern if he should call over one of the fifth year Slytherin girls, who surely would be able to help her out with such an elementary question, was enough to cause Marya to slink from the room in embarrassment.

How dare he treat her like a stupid student! Every time she was in his presence she seemed to feel like a tongue-tied First Year about to be sent to detention, cringing before her stern teacher. She was an adult, for crying out loud, and a staff professor, in every way his equal. Why did she let him talk to her like that? Gads, she couldn't stand that man...

Her thoughts slipped back to one of the few memories she had of her mother.

_She had come home crying. One of the neighbor boys had been bullying her, calling her names, stomping on the garden she had been making out of sticks, rock, and leaves in the front yard. And this hadn't been the first time – for weeks he had hounded her, tormented her. "I hate him," she had sobbed as her mother held her close in her arms. Her mother had let her cry, just holding her and stroking her hair. Once she had calmed down, her mother had set her down on a chair, and knelt down on the floor so they were eye to eye. "Sweetheart, I am going to tell you something that I want you to remember. Yes, he is mean to you, and what he does is hurtful and mean. I know you feel like hurting him back. But you have a choice, Love – you can allow him to turn you angry and hateful, bring you to his level, to make you like him through his meanness and smallness, or you can choose to respond the opposite way – warm, loving, and generous. The way you act towards someone can change the way you feel about him. It can change the way he acts towards you. Sometimes it can even change _him. _I can't say it always works, but why don't you give it a try?_"

She had taken her mother's advice, even though she could not see how it would possibly succeed. Amazingly, it _had_ worked - he had lost interest in tormenting her once she stopped responding in hurt and anger and tears. Now, she was acting like a little child again – hurt and angry because someone bigger and stronger was bullying her. Sighing, she decided to give her mother's approach a try. Maybe if she treated him like she cared, her feelings would follow. She fervently hoped so. Because right now, all she felt like was hexing him into day after tomorrow.

* * *

October 31st - time for the Halloween feast and the usual dance for the older students following after. The hall was decked out at its most festive. After the abundance of food had been cleared off the groaning tables, the floor was cleared for the dance, and the band tuned up, getting ready to play. 

Professor McGonagall, who was serving as master of ceremonies, stood up at the High Table and tapped on her wine glass; with her commanding presence i,t didn't take her long to get everyone's attention. "This year, we will be starting a new tradition. Muggles have something called a Sadie Hawkins dance. The Organizing Committee thought that it would institute something similar, since it seemed like a good way to get everyone to mingle. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it is a ladies' choice dance. To open the evening, we will ask the youngest lady on staff to choose someone to dance the first two dances with. While they are dancing the first, all the young ladies among the students will ask a partner of their choice for the next dance, and the gentlemen asked will have to accept the invitation. The second dance will be for all students and faculty. Professor Morava, as the youngest teacher, will you please make your choice?"

Marya had had no idea this was coming. Her face turned flaming red. For a moment she thought of just asking her godfather – that was by far the easiest. Then she remembered her task – here was her chance. Two dances, uninterrupted. And he couldn't say no. Gathering up all her courage she took the longest fifteen steps she had ever taken and stopped in front of the Potions master. In a clear voice she said, "Professor Snape, may I have this dance?"


	4. The Waltz

The tittering breaking loose among the students brought Severus Snape back to reality. He had only half listened to Minerva's drivel, and with the other half had been composing an order for potion ingredients to be placed with the apothecary at Diagon Alley tomorrow – he was running low on several important items. Aghast, he looked at the young woman standing in front of him. "Um, I am afraid that......Surely there must be......"

Minerva McGonagall cut in with a less than pleased voice. "Severus, I remind you, the tradition is that the gentleman asked _must_ accept the invitation."

Damn that woman. Severus was considering his options – if he declined, he would look like a fool in front of the entire school. And Minerva would never let him hear the end of it. If he accepted – well, he had at one point been a fairly good dancer, even though he was years out of practice. If she was trying to make a fool out of him, she had another thing coming. He would show that insufferable girl that if this was how she thought she would get back at him for not being all sweetness and light, it wasn't going to work. Making his decision, he got up, took her proffered hand, and snarled, "I would be honored" – even though his tone of voice left no one in doubt that he didn't exactly mean those words.

As the band struck up a waltz, they took their positions on the dance floor. He picked up her right hand with the same expression she had last seen on the face of an old woman picking a dead mouse out of a mousetrap. Then, gingerly, and leaving as much space between them as was humanly possible, he placed his right hand around her waist, and assumed waltz position.

Marya looked up at his face, and regretted ever asking him. She supposed that she had had some vague idea about him being pleased at being thus singled out, but the look of anger and disgust on his face left her in absolutely no doubt that right now he wished for nothing more than for the earth to open up and swallow her on the spot. Obviously, she had messed up again. Oh well, too late now. What was done was done.

Gently she picked up her left hand and placed it on his shoulder. For a moment, he recoiled at the touch. Recovering quickly, he glared at her, but started moving to the rhythm of the waltz. For a few moments, they simply turned to the music – Strauss, the Blue Danube Waltz.

Marya spoke up. "You dance very well, Professor." At first it seemed like he would not answer at all. Finally, he spoke through clenched teeth, "Well, it looks like your ploy to embarrass me didn't work, then, did it? What did you do, make a amusing bet with some of your little girlfriends to see if you could make a fool of that greasy old Potions master? " A sharp reply started rising in her throat - but all of a sudden – how, she could not have explained - she felt the hurt beneath the anger, of some old wound....

Raising her eyes, she softly said, "I don't play games like that, Professor." After that, both seemed to be out of things to say – they just danced on in awkward silence.

_He had almost forgotten_. During his years as a Death Eater, when the Dark Lord was at the height of his power, there had not just been pain and suffering. Many an evening had he spent in gala attire, dancing in the Malfoy's great hall. As one of the youngest, he had been a sought after dance partner then. Since coming back to Hogwarts, and becoming nothing but the "greasy git" again (oh yes, he knew what the students called him) he had always been on the outside looking in. Just like he was before he had connected with those Slytherins who had later turned out to be the Dark Lord's most loyal followers. Now the music reminded him of being young, of the only time in his life he had not been an outcast. He looked down at the woman in his arms. She was being blessedly quiet – for that at least he could be thankful. Nothing worse than mindless chatter and small talk – he wasn't good at it, and he had no tolerance for it. Catching his eye, she smiled up at him. He quickly scowled and looked away.

It had been so long since he had danced. Had his arm around a woman. Her waist was so small, and she felt light as a feather. Without thinking, he pulled her a bit closer. And immediately pushed her away again. But Marya had felt the small movement – and looking down, she smiled to herself. Maybe, just maybe..............


	5. An End to the Festivities

Meanwhile, Albus Dumbledore, resplendent in a peacock-blue robe with silver shooting stars embroidered all over, sat talking to his Deputy Headmistress. Minerva McGonagall looked quite pleased with herself. "I can't remember the last time I saw Severus dance! Look at them – they do make a nice couple, do they not?!" she asked her longtime friend with what sounded suspiciously like a cluck. "At first I thought for sure she was going to dance with you, though!"

The Headmaster rose from his seat. "Well," he said with a grin, "if you don't think I am too old a codger to dance with, how about you and I for the next one?"

"Albus Dumbledore, you take a seat this minute! This is a Sadie Hawkins!" McGonagall was feigning outrage. "You have no business asking anyone. Now – may I have the next dance?" Laughing, Dumbledore accepted. Together they watched as Marya and the head of Slytherin House finished their first waltz.

The dance was over, and the pair stepped apart. Marya inwardly sighed – one more to go. He was quite a good dancer though, and she would have enjoyed dancing with him, had it not been for the thick air hanging between them, had she been able to relax. The dance floor filled with couples now – Professor McGonagall's idea seemed to have been a success. The band struck up another tune – this one a slow waltz. Marya curtseyed, he bowed, and they were back in waltz position, moving slower this time. He really did dance well – he was able to lead without pushing, something most men seemed incapable off. And he hadn't stepped on her feet once.

The silence finally seemed to get too long even for him. Clearing his throat, he asked, "You have settled in well?" It caught her by surprise, and it took her a second to answer. "Yes, quite. Everyone has been most kind," she answered in what even to her sounded like a stilted, formal voice. "I have been...."

At that moment, the door to the great hall burst open with a bang. In stumbled the disheveled figure of Madam Rosmerta, the proprietor of The Three Broomsticks. "Dark Wizards........attack..........Hogsmeade.......we need help...," she gasped.

Pandemonium broke out. Shrieking and crying, students were running, knocking each other over in their panic. The band stopped playing with a dissonant chord. Everyone was talking at once. Some of the staff members were running over to come to Madam Rosmerta's aid. Over the racket, the voice of Albus Dumbledore boomed. "Trelawney, Hooch, Pince, Vector – please escort the students back to their respective houses. Keep them in the common rooms until we know what is going on. Everyone else, with me to Hogsmeade, NOW."

Turning from her dance partner, Marya started to run for Hogsmeade. Suddenly, she felt a hand roughly grab her upper arm. She spun around to look into the stern face of Severus Snape. "Your expertise in ancient scribbling is not going to help anyone right now. This is no place for children. I suggest you stay here where you can do some good," he snarled as he pushed her into the direction of the staff members now trying to herd the students out of the hall.

Marya wrenched her arm out of his grasp. Her eyes were spitting fire. She drew herself up to her full five foot two inches, and in a freezing voice said, "If you had ever tried talking to me in a civilized manner, you might know by now that there is more to my education than simply Runes knowledge. You seem to consider me completely useless. I assure you I am not. Now if you will excuse me, I have work to do." Without another look at him, she turned and started sprinting from the hall. Along the way she pulled her wand out, cried "Accio, Bag" and a black Healer's bag appeared, which she slung over her shoulder. Within minutes, she arrived in Hogsmeade.


	6. Hogsmeade

A scene of devastation greeted her eyes. Flames and smoke filled the sky , busted windows and fallen debri cluttered the sidewalks. Moaning and crying filled the air as people stumbled through the street. The dark wizards were gone – but the Dark Lord's followers had obviously had quite a Halloween celebration of their own. They had visited with violence seemingly every "mudblood" home or establishment in Hogsmeade, and mercilessly attacked those who had tried to defend their neighbors.

Marya knelt next to an old witch who was lying in the street, twitching and moaning. She recognized the results of the Cruciatus curse. Her training kicked in – she started administering counter spells, and potions from her bag. Speaking softly but firmly, she calmed and reassured the old woman. Once her patient was stabilized, she moved on to the next.

Snape had arrived at her heels. For a while putting out flames, carrying the injured to safety, and providing first aid required his undivided attention. Once the first panic was over, he looked for Dumbledore's god-daughter – he felt some vague sense of responsibility for her. Out of the corner of his eye, he kept observing her. What he saw astounded him.

Gone was the timid, insecure, awkward girl who had seemed to quake at his every approach. Instead he saw a competent, professional young woman. Self-assured and calm, it was clear that she knew what she was doing. As she approached someone hurt or spell-damaged, within seconds of her gentle touch they seemed to relax. Every inch of her was tuned to the task, as she and Madam Pomfrey triaged the patients, giving firm instructions to those trying to help who were lacking their skill. The more severe cases were stabilized and sent to St. Mungo's, while those whose injuries were minor were sent to the Hogwarts infirmary by makeshift gurney or levitation if necessary.

One by one, the injured were taken care of, and the task of mopping up the damage began, and for a while Snape was quite busy again.

Dumbledore approached him as he was muttering "Reparo" to put the last broken window at Zonko's Joke Shop back together.

"Severus, I am going back to Hogwarts to make sure everything is alright there. I think we have done about as much as we are going to accomplish tonight, the rest can wait until tomorrow. Before you turn in, could you please make a sweep of the village to make sure everything urgent is taken care of and we haven't missed anything important?" Severus nodded assent, and set off to do what he was told.

He found her leaned against the back wall of a hut that had half-burned in the fires. She sat looking straight ahead into emptiness, her body taut as a bow string, her hands white-knuckled, balled into fists, a clenched jaw etching hard lines on her face.

Puzzled, he knelt down before her. _What was she doing here?_ "Are you alright?". _Stupid question, he thought. It was obvious she wasn't. _He gently touched her shoulder. "You did good work out there tonight." _This is as much of an apology as you'll would ever get for my earlier behavior._

Whether it was the touch or the first kind word she had had from him - whatever it was, it broke the last bit of control she had been trying to hold onto. A deep sob wrenched from her, and she put her face in her hands and started crying, weeping, her body shaking.

...............................................................................................................

A/N: Thank you to the reviewer! xkuroxshinobix - thanks for coming back, and you may be right on the last chapter! Firestarter911, Blaze, Morwen 24, Krirobe, LadyD3ath, Susan D - thanks for your input and encouragement! So do you think Snape "works" in this story so far, or is he getting too far from his normal self?


	7. Bawling females

_Oh great, _Snape thought_. Now what?_ He had plenty of experience in making girls cry; his experience in making them stop was much more limited. For a minute, he just crouched there, unsure about what to do. Then he sat down next to her and ineffectively patted her back. "There, there" he muttered._ What are you supposed to say to bawling females? _He was at a loss. _And what for crying out loud was going on? She had looked so composed just a short time ago...._

"Are you alright?" he asked again. In response, Marya crumpled against him and started crying even harder. Raising his arm, he gingerly put it around her. That seemed at this point the only semi-logical thing to do. _Deucedly awkward. _

After what to Snape seemed like an eternity, the torrent of tears and sobs finally started to subside. Sniffling, she sat up, her hands still covering her eyes.

"I am sorry. You must....think.... I am such a fool..." she said, hiccupping from the crying. "Not at all, not at all," he replied in an unconvinced tone. She didn't even seem to have heard his answer. "It is just that......" – for a minute she was unable to talk again. "It is just that, my parents... and I have never been......." Again she choked up.

She wasn't making any sense at all. With a sigh, he pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and offered it to her. Speaking sternly he said, "Now blow your nose and wipe your face, and then tell me what the matter is." Obediently, she took it – he looked away to give her a chance to compose herself.

When he turned back to her, she was wiping her red-rimmed, swollen eyes. "I must look such a fright," she murmured, trying to straighten her messy hair with her fingers. "Never mind that," he responded, "now, would you please explain what this commotion is about?"

"I don't know....I was fine.....all these people hurt, the fire......I remember something like that, from when my parents..." She started sobbing again.

"What happened with your parents?"

"They were killed by dark wizards, when I was not quite seven. Those cowards." Now there was anger in her voice.

_Good. Get angry. Just don't start crying again. _Anger he could deal with.

"Coming in here like a bunch of bullies, striking innocent people before they can react, then disappearing before anyone can show up who could challenge them – what a bunch of cowards." Her voice had an angry edge to it now; she was spitting out the words. "Dark wizards, Death Eaters – god, I hate them...." Her voice was hoarse with emotion. Furious, replaying in her mind's eye the scene she had witnessed earlier, she did not see him wince and instinctively cover his left arm with his hand at her words.

"They were just playing,"he said without thinking. "If they were serious, there would have been much more harm done. Dead bodies, instead of merely damaged ones..."

She turned to him with wide eyes. "You must think me such a child. In your work for the Order you must have often seen something like this, or worse..."_ You have no idea, he thought._

"Dumbledore has told you what I do for the Order?" he asked quickly, alarmed.

"No, just that what you do is important...I wish he would let me join. First he told me I should finish my schooling, now he still is telling me to wait. Wait for what?" she asked bitterly. "I feel like I am doing nothing.."

"Well, I think those people you helped tonight would disagree," he replied dryly.

"That's another thing. I have never... my healer training was at St. Mungo's...I was never alone; there were always others there, more experienced than me. When I saw all those people tonight – I was so scared, so afraid I would make a mistake. All that pain, all those hurt people. After all was done, and the adrenaline rush was gone, I just lost it. I am so stupid!"She looked like she was going to start crying again.

_No you don't._ "I watched you – you have nothing to be ashamed of," he said firmly, standing up. He held out a hand to help her up. "Now come, we really should be getting back."

Marya took his hand and pulled herself upright. "Thank you,"she said, still sniffling. He nodded once, and turned to go. Quickly, she grabbed a hold of his sleeve to stop him. He halted without turning around.

"One more thing – could you please not tell anyone about this? I feel stupid enough already..." "I don't see why anyone would need to know," he replied, looking back over his shoulder at her. "Thank you, Professor" she meekly said again. "Severus. You can call me Severus," he muttered barely loud enough for her to hear as together they started back towards Hogwarts.


	8. Next day in the dungeons

The next day Marya poked her head into the door of the dungeon after classes were over. Snape was busy clearing away the last of the ingredients for the potion of the day, which had been a rather complicated wart-removal unction.

"Hello," she softly called out to get his attention. And blushed as he looked up. The embarrassment of last night was still fresh in her mind.

"What can I do for you?" he asked in a can't-you-see-I-am-busy tone.

"I was wondering – I just about ran out of my wound cleaning potion last night, and I need to make some to refill. Could I borrow some dried Scleranthus flower? _Please_?"

Observing his rapidly creasing brows, she hastily added, "You will have it back by Tuesday, I promise. I tried to place an order with the Apothecary, but they are out right now. I don't want to wait that long in case....something else happens."

"Very well. You may go into my office and take what you need. Second shelf on the bottom left." He bent back to his task with an air of dismissal.

Within seconds, Marya had found what she was looking for. Shaking the amount she needed for her potion into a small brown paper back, she tried to sneak out quietly without disturbing him any more.

"Just a moment." Seems he had thought of something. She stopped at the door, and turned to face him. "I was wondering...." His voice trailed off.

"Yes?" she asked, puzzled.

"I was wondering – healing and runes seem like an odd combination. I would not have thought....."

Marya grinned. A personal question – not what she had expected. And not something he did very often, of that she was sure. This riddle must have really been bugging him.

"That is easy enough to explain. I was accepted at St. Mungo's Hospital for my vocational training. Healing was my first choice. Well," her face clouded over. "I actually wanted to become an Auror. I wanted to get back at those who.....well, you know enough of my story,' she ended lamely. "But I didn't make the cut. So I decided on Healing. I found that I had a lot of empty time before and after shifts. Runes was one of my favorite subjects here in school – so I decided to take a class, part time, but healer training takes a couple years longer than a Runes certification normally does, so it worked out fine.

Runes to me are like a puzzle – you have to figure out the different symbols, piece them together slowly. It's a challenge. And you never know what you are going to find out. Some mystery that has been lost, some forgotten knowledge of the ancient ones... I found it helped me relax. Take my mind off things. Working on the ward can be...hard." She swallowed, then smiled.

"Anyways, that is all there is to it. When I graduated, Uncle Albus sent me an owl with an offer of the Runes professorship – seems good Runes teachers are hard to find." Chuckling at his smirk, she was well aware that Ancient Runes knowledge did not rank high on the priority list of the vast majority of students – or teachers, for that matter.

With a sneer, he went back to an earlier point. "Stuck at home with Runes? Didn't you have anything better to do, like going out with giggling groups of girlfriends?"

Smiling, she shook her head. "Somehow, you seem to have arrived at the conclusion that I am at the center of the social universe or something like that. Now you answer a question for me. What do you remember about me from the time I was your student?"

He looked clearly taken aback. "Well, I.......Um......."

"Anything at all. I was in here for seven years."

He was racking his brain. "I remember you passed with an O on your N.E.W.T."

"Ok. Anything else?"

"You were quiet. A good student."

"And.......??"

Staring at her, he was drawing an absolute blank. Finally with a diffident shrug he said, "That's all."

Marya had been observing the expressions on his face. "There's your answer. I get rather... shy around people. People just don't seem to notice me much. I have never been much of a social butterfly." Seeing the uncomfortable look that had come over his face, she laughed. "Heavens, it's not a big deal. I don't mind being by myself; I am happy enough. There are people who care for me. Believe me, it is really not anything I have deep wounds in my spirit about, or something like that," she said in a teasing voice. "So there you have your explanation."

She turned to leave. "I really should get going with this, though. Thank you so much. See you at dinner?" And with that she was gone.


	9. Tea with Uncle Albus

The last Saturday in November found Marya correcting parchment rolls in her quarters. With a small laugh, she ruefully shook her head as she read over one of her third-year student's translations. Swiftly, her quill moved over the paper, correcting his work.

A tapping sound from the window interrupted her concentration. Sitting outside the window was an owl, impatiently hooting and rapping the window pane with its beak.

Marya opened the window and took the note, passing a treat to the owl and caressing its head before turning to open her mail.

"Dearest Marya," she read, "It has been too long. Tea today at four, in my quarters?" The note was signed 'Albus Dumbledore'. Reaching for her quill, Marya quickly penned a reply on the back of the note. "I wouldn't miss it; see you then!"

Come four o'clock, Marya sat curled up in one of the overstuffed armchairs in Dumbledore's sitting room, cradling an enormous mug of hot, sweetened tea in her hands. She loved being in this room – everything was large, and soft, and comfortable.

For a while they just sat contentedly, making small talk. Finally Dumbledore cleared his throat and asked, "So how is our little project going?"

Marya chuckled. "Well at last it is _going_. You know how for two months I tried to just be sweetness and light, and slay him with kindness? And all I got was a cold shoulder? Then in the course of one night I tell him where to get off, and shortly thereafter have a nervous breakdown in his presence. _Then_ he finally decides he can acknowledge I exist. Go figure." She shook her head in exasperation.

Now it was Dumbledore's turn to smile. "I told you he would be a hard nut to crack, didn't I?" he said.

"Well, he isn't cracking yet." Marya's face turned serious.

"You know, these last four weeks have been strange." Marya blushed a little. "Do you know that he told me to call him Severus? He has been 'Professor Snape' or 'Sir' for so long, I just can't think of him as Severus – every time I try, the name gets stuck in my throat. He can be so irritating and sarcastic - I still feel like a First-year most of the time!

But then there are times – Uncle Albus, he can be so interesting! When he is in the right mood, it is a joy to talk to him – he is so knowledgeable, interested in a lot of the same things I am. And that will last five minutes, and I am ready to clobber him again.... He grows on you though, doesn't he?" she said thoughtfully. Snapping out of her thoughts, she straightened up. "That aside though – every interaction is on a strictly professional level. I don't think I am making much headway."

"I don't know about that." Dumbledore answered with a twinkle. "He does look like he has gained a bit of weight back. Instead of skipping meals or eating who-knows-what in his quarters, he is showing up at mealtimes much more often these last few weeks... can you think of a reason why that would be?" He winked at her.

Marya blushed furiously. "_Really_, Uncle Albus... !!" She gazed down and appeared to intensely study her toes.

Dumbledore got up with a laugh, "Well, Marya, whatever the case may be, keep at it. What are your plans for Christmas, by the way?"

"I am going to visit Aunt Hannah – she would be all alone for Christmas otherwise. And I miss seeing her. I hope to be back on the 26th though."

Aunt Hannah was her only blood relative, an elderly great-aunt that had lovingly cared for her from the time her parents had died. Marya was quite fond of her.

The Headmaster nodded as he walked her to the door and hugged her good-bye. "I hope so. By the way, on December 28th is Severus' birthday." He winked again. "Just in case you would like to know..."


	10. Birthday

December 28th.

At 10 a.m., Professor Severus Snape was working in the potions classroom, pickling assorted newt parts. It was the sort of chore he could have done in his sleep with one hand tied behind his back - which was a good thing, since he was in a lousy mood, and his mind kept straying off the task at hand.

_Why_ had he decided to stay here during Christmas break? This time of year was the most depressing of the lot – first Christmas (he had about as much tolerance for the holiday as Ebenezer Scrooge _before_ his change of heart), and then his birthday, which no one ever remembered. Except Dumbledore, of course, who never failed to send a card.

This morning had been no exemption – when he opened the envelope, the card had started singing "Happy Birthday to You" completely off key but extremely loud, and had then spewed confetti all over him.

He had had to take a couple of deep breaths and remind himself that it was the thought that counts.

Other than that, it was a day like every other. Now he sat here with a _large _pile of newts in front of him. He could have used some help – but that drat woman had decided to take off for a few days. She was supposed to have been back by now, but she must have decided to stay longer. Not that he could blame her.

His mind traveled back a few weeks...

_She had wandered into the potions classroom after lesson hours. "What can I do for you?" he had asked with an air of long-suffering. He was annoyed. She was standing there with that deer-in-the-headlights look again. Did she really think he was going to bite her head off every time she strayed into his territory? _

"_I was wondering – is there anything I can do to help? I feel like I am not earning my keep...I have only a few classes, third years and up that are taking Ancient Runes as an elective. You, on the other hand, have every last student in the school coming through here every week. I have been helping Poppy Pomfrey off and on, but most of the time the hospital wing isn't that busy, either. Is there anything I can help you with? To keep me occupied?" _

His first inclination had been to send her away – but from the looks of her, that was exactly what she was expecting. So just to confound her, he had agreed.

To his surprise, the arrangement had worked out well – for the most part, anyways. She would come in after classes were over, and do whatever he needed done. To test her, he had assigned her some of his least favorite tasks. She had completed them without complaining, and without giving _him _something to complain about. To his immense relief, she didn't seem to feel the need to prattle on. Quietly and efficiently, she would go about the menial work he gave her, leaving him to correct parchments and prepare lessons. Sometimes, he managed to upset her, and she would leave – but she would be back the next day, like nothing had happened.

Even more to his surprise, he had found that after a while, he started looking forward to her coming – it was... companionable, somehow _nice,_ to have her there. It didn't seem possible, but there it was. Sometimes, they _did_ talk – and, once she got past her initial shyness, he found her ... well, interesting. In many ways, she was a puzzle to him.

Again, his thoughts slipped back....

_Shortly before Christmas, she had been mincing ginger root on one side of the room while he had been working on a rather complicated ointment Madam Pomfrey had requested on the other. Somehow, he had managed to touch the side of the cauldron filled with boiling grease. With a half suppressed curse at his own stupidity, he had pulled his hand away ._

_Quick as a flash, she had been there. "It's nothing. Absolutely nothing. Get back to what you are supposed to be doing," he had hissed sharply at her in his best Teacher Voice. Normally, that tone would have been enough to sent her scurrying off. _

_But she had switched into Healer Mode – he still found it surprising how she could change personality almost instantly– all of a sudden self assured, confident, totally ignoring his objections._

"_Nonsense," she had said, "let me see." She had firmly but carefully grasped his hurt hand while he had mumbled protests. Gently, she had turned it over, to where a blister was already forming over an angry red burn. Her fingers ran softly over his skin. All of sudden, there had been this strange, tight feeling in his chest, like he couldn't breathe. Cradling his hand in one of hers, she had treated and bandaged the wound. "There, better?" she had asked, looking up at him, still holding his hand. Not trusting his voice, he had mutely nodded._

_He still didn't know what to make of that._

A knock at the door interrupted his revelry. "Come in," he muttered. There stood Marya. "I am back! If I help you with those newts, do you think you could come on a walk with me? I want to show you something...." There was an air of excitement about her, like she was barely suppressing something about to bubble over.

"I suppose," he answered gruffly.

As they attacked the pile of newts together, he _almost_ smiled. The day all of a sudden had started to look a whole lot better.

* * *

Everyone who has been reviewing – thank you! Keep it coming! Everyone else – I would love some more feedback! 


	11. WinterStar

She met him at the back of the courtyard. It was beautiful outside – snow had fallen the day before, and a blanket of white covered the world. Glittering and sparkling, the hoarfrost-covered branches of the birches and oaks shone in the sunlight. Dressed in warm cloaks, mittens, and boots, they set out across the lawns towards the Forbidden Forest.

"Where are we going?" asked Severus curiously. "You'll see," Marya answered with a mischievous grin. "Just follow me. It is a ways yet."

They walked for maybe twenty minutes, following along the edge of the forest. With each step the snow crunched under their feet, the only sound the in the otherwise still, muffled world. As they seemed to be getting closer to their destination, Marya kept checking the surroundings, as if looking for landmarks. Finally, she stopped. "Stay here," she ordered, and leaving him standing there, took off into the underbrush. Just a couple minutes later she was back. "I just wanted to make sure it was still there." The happy look on her face told him she had obviously met with success. "Close your eyes!"

He recoiled slightly. It went against his every instinct. Sure, she seemed like a sweet enough thing, but how well did he really know her.....

"It's alright – you don't have to." She had noticed his hesitation. He fumbled for an explanation. "It's not that I don't trust you...." "....but you don't trust me," she finished the sentence for him with amusement in her voice. He breathed a sigh of relief – at least she didn't seem to take it personal. "Follow me, then....."

Pushing through the brush that lined the edge of the forest, they entered into a small clearing. He could see her tracks in the snow leading to and then around an ancient oak tree on the left hand side. "Go on, follow my footsteps – I'll be right behind you," she urged him on.

Cautiously, he advanced. As promised, she kept right behind. As he walked around to where the trail ended, he sharply drew in his breath. _It couldn't be._

He almost reverently knelt down. There, nestled close to the trunk of the massive tree, sheltered by two large roots, a small plant poked out of the snow.

_Stella Xeimonus. The WinterStar._

One of the rarest of magic plants - the only thing to thrive in the middle of winter.

Bringer-of-hope, symbol of life.

As a potion ingredient, almost priceless...........

Small flowers that looked as if the were made from blown glass peeked out between slender silvery leaves. He stretched out a finger to gently touch one of them.

She had walked up and knelt down in the snow behind him, one hand on his shoulder, looking at his face as he looked at the fragile flower.

"How did you find it?" he whispered, gazing in wonder.

"It was in my fifth year. I always liked roaming around the edge of the forest – I never dared to go in very far. This clearing was one of my favorite spots to disappear to with a book in the summer. When I came back in the winter, I found this. It has been my secret ever since. I never told anyone." Her voice, too, was quiet, reverent.

He looked back at her, a question in his eyes. "Now I am sharing it with you," she whispered. "Happy Birthday."

He was taken aback. "How did you...?"

"Uncle Albus told me."

He did not know what to say. This had to be the most priceless gift he had ever received – making him acutely uncomfortable. There was no way to reciprocate, no way he could ever do anything as wildly generous as she had just done for him. It was not a position he liked to be in. He didn't like the feeling of being outdone, of being beholden.

Yet, looking at her shining eyes, he all of a sudden knew without a doubt this thought would not have even occurred to her. This gift was given freely, with no strings attached, simply to bring him joy. All of a sudden, there was a stinging sensation in his eyes, and a tight feeling in his throat. "Thank you," he whispered.

She looked down, blushing. "I would have shown you sooner or later anyways – I knew you would appreciate it more than anyone else." After a couple minutes, she straightened up with a bit of effort, self-consciously. "Go on, take what you want, and let's go back – the day isn't over yet." Again there was a sparkle in her eyes. He looked at her warily – that sparkle hinted at some more surprises, and he was not overly fond of surprises at all. This had been more than enough already.

Three silvery leaves carefully wrapped in his pocket, they set back out towards Hogwarts.

With a dry "We wouldn't want someone who wouldn't appreciate it to follow our tracks and find it, would we?" he pulled out his wand, and with a wave erased all their footprints leading into underbrush. Their secret was safe.

When they arrived back at the castle, she turned to face him. "Why don't you take care of those leaves, and then come over to my quarters?"

He hesitated. "I really should be....I mean I still have to...."

"It is the Christmas Holiday. And your birthday. For Pete's sake, you can take a day off. Unless you have other plans..?" She looked slightly crestfallen. Obviously the thought had not occurred to her, which galled him slightly. He was tempted to tell her that, yes indeed, he already had other arrangements for the rest of the day, but then thought better of it. No use in biting off your nose to spite your face.

"Alright. I'll be there," he said with resignation. She visibly cheered up. "'See you in a bit, then!" she smiled, and walked off.


	12. Fine Burgundy

The door opened as soon as he knocked. "Come on in!" she welcomed him. Stepping to the side, she made way for him to pass. Behind her, he could see Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore sitting comfortably on the couch. "I didn't think you would want a large party," Marya whispered next to him, "but I thought this would be ok?"

He let out the breath he had unconsciously been holding. He hadn't known what to expect – but this was, indeed, ok. He felt himself relax.

Dumbledore got up, and, walking up to his Potions Master, heartily shook his hand. "Happy birthday, happy birthday! Come, have a seat." He gestured over towards the seating area.

As Severus lowered himself into an easy chair, he looked around. He had not been in her quarters before – somehow, they fit her. The room was uncluttered, with clean lines. As a junior professor, her rooms were smaller than his, but she had made good use of the space. Natural wood and linen fabrics dominated the well lit room, and small touches of bright color added personality. It was a peaceful room, somehow – without a lot of distraction, but at the same time warm and comfortable.

Marya had disappeared into the small adjacent bedroom, and came back out holding a large chocolate cake, which she placed on the table. Walking over to a sideboard, she pulled out a bottle of red wine and a cork screw, which she handed to him. "Would you do the honors?" As the cork came out with a very satisfying 'plop', he filled the bottom of the glasses she had placed before him. Dumbledore tapped against the side of his glass to propose a toast. "To Severus – health and happiness!" "Health and happiness!" the two women joined in. Gently, their glasses clinked against his.

Taking a sip of the fine Burgundy, he looked at those in the room over the rim of his wineglass. It occurred to him that at this moment, everyone he cared about in the world was right here in this room.

Dumbledore, the man who had given him a second chance, when no one else would have. Who had been his friend ever since.

McGonagall, whom he had known since he was a child. With whom he sparred and crossed swords often enough – but whom he would trust with his life any time, anywhere.

And Marya. He didn't know how it had happened – he hadn't realized it until this moment, really. But there it was – somehow, she had come to be included in that very small number. He had become accustomed to her quiet presence in his life in the last couple of months...

"Try this," she placed a piece of the cake in front of him. "I didn't actually bake it, but I did give the house elves my Aunt Hannah's recipe," she said with a laugh. The combination of the wine and the dark chocolate cake was not something he would have thought off – but somehow, it worked. And the cake was delicious.

With good wine and good conversation, an hour passed by quickly. Dinnertime was drawing near, and their presence would be required at the High Table. Dumbledore made as if to leave, but sat back down.

"Oh Marya, I almost forgot. Do you have any plans for New Year's Eve yet? I have a couple of tickets for a performance of the 'Wassermusik' – a Muggle event, of course, but the music, the music...." He closed his eyes, and swayed a bit, as if listening to an invisible orchestra. "I was planning to go, but something has come up.....I know you enjoy Handel?"

Marya hesitated. "I would love to but....."

"But what?"

"I don't have anyone to go with on short notice...."

Dumbledore cast a cunning glance over the top of his half-moon shaped glasses in the direction of his Potions Master and raised his eyebrows. He didn't say anything, but the implication was clear.

His god-daughter had caught it as well, and turned red with embarrassment. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Severus said very formally, "I would be honored to accompany you, if that is agreeable?"

With the fleeting thought that blushing had seemed to become a steady habit with her over the last few weeks, she turned even more crimson."Are you sure?" she asked timidly.

"Well, that is settled, then." Dumbledore got up with a smug look that reminded Marya of the proverbial cat that had just eaten the proverbial canary. "Oh, Severus, before I forget, you will require Muggle evening wear – if you don't have anything suitable, I think Gladrags Wizardwear has a nice selection of rentals available for just that purpose.....Anyways, Minerva, we should go and get ready for dinner. You will excuse us?"

After they had gone, the two left behind looked at each other a bit sheepishly. Simultaneously, they started talking. "Are you sure you really want to..." "You don't have to feel obligated to go with me just because..." They stopped in mid-sentence.

"You first," Severus said.

Marya faltered. "You really don't have to go. It was very... unfair of Uncle Albus to put you on the spot like that. Anyways, you don't have to feel obligated..." Looking off to the side, she stopped talking. Her cheeks were still flushed.

Placing one finger softly against the side of her chin, he gently turned her face towards him until their eyes met.. "Marya, it wasn't obligation. I really would like to," he said quietly. "If you don't mind me tagging along?"

"I guess it is really settled, then," she said with a small smile.

She walked him to the door. Stepping outside, he turned around to say his good-byes. Suddenly, the realization struck him – how this had been the first birthday since he had been a small child where someone had bothered to make the day special for him, where someone had actually put thought into what he might like and enjoy.

"Thank you," he whispered.

There was something about the look on his face that made Marya's eyes fill with tears. She reached up her hand and placed it softly against the side of his face. Standing on tiptoes, she gently kissed him on the cheek.

"Happy Birthday, Severus," she whispered, before stepping back inside and closing the door.

He lingered there for a moment, his hand half raised to his face. Then he turned and left.

Marya stood with her back against the closed door and slowly slid down until she ended up on the floor. Her hand was pressed to her mouth as she tried to suppress a giggle that was working its way up from deep inside her. She had just kissed _Professor Snape. _And managed to call him by his first name, finally – and it hadn't seemed strange. And she was going on what by all accounts looked like a _date_ with him. _And she looked forward to it. _If someone would have told her this six months ago, she would have laughed out loud at the joke. Life sure had quite a sense of humor sometimes.


	13. New Year's Eve

On the morning of New Year's Eve Professor Snape was sitting in his dungeon. They had agreed to meet outside the Leaky Cauldron at seven thirty that evening– the concert hall was within walking distance.

He was trying to remember why he had agreed to go with her – the wine? Dumbledore? Every time she was not around, it became a whole lot easier to think of reasons why this was a bad idea. Even if he had wanted to change his mind, it was too late now. Marya had already left – something about a dress at Aunt Hannah's, and that she would get ready there.

* * *

When Marya stepped on the sidewalk outside the Leaky Cauldron after apparating, he was already waiting. With amusement she noticed that he had managed to find Muggle clothing in which he still looked very much like himself. A black mandarin-collared shirt tucked into black trousers, with a duster-length black coat. It was not that much of a change from the usual robes or cloaks he wore.

Severus, on the other hand, was trying hard to hide his surprise when he spotted her. Usually, she was on the pleasant side of average as far as looks were concerned. Tonight, she looked positively pretty. Her hair was done up, with something sparkly holding the arrangement in place. A delicate golden chain with a single drop-shaped ruby set off her neck line, and the deep red evening dress she was wearing clung to her figure perfectly. A matching woolen wrap was slung across her shoulders. She looked like a lady.

He offered her his elbow, and she hooked her hand through it. 'You look lovely tonight' is what he wanted to say, but "You are very punctual," is what came out. "One tries," Marya answered with a grin.

The concert was wonderful. It was a piece of music Marya had always liked; the conductor was superb, and the orchestra performed admirably. Closing her eyes, Marya just allowed herself to drift away to the music. "Do you like it?" she whispered to her companion when the audience was clapping at the end of the second Suite. Severus could honestly tell her that he did. He had never experienced the sheer vibrating intensity of a full symphony orchestra before, the way you could feel the music deep down in the pit of your stomach. Dumbledore was right when he said that music had its own kind of magic.

When the performance ended, and the crowd erupted in a standing ovation, it was a bit like waking up from a deep dream. He had to blink a few times to get back to reality.

They left the concert hall quietly, not ready to talk much yet. "Do you want to go for a bit of a walk?" Marya asked. They strolled slowly down to the river, and leaned against the railing. Twinkling and shimmery, the lights of the city reflected in the water, casting a glow. Occasional fireworks were already going off, even though it was still well over an hour until midnight.

"Look, the moon is rising," Marya pointed to where an almost full moon was just starting to show over the roof tops. "It is going to be a beautiful night." They watched as the silvery orb rose slowly into the night sky.

"I missed the stars though when I lived in the city while working at St. Mungos. You don't see many stars with all the light around... At home, the stars are so bright you feel like you could dance on the Milky Way...." Marya said wistfully.

"Home?" Severus asked.

"Aunt Hannah's. She is my great-aunt, really. I love her to pieces. When my... parents died, she was the one who took me in. She couldn't be a lovelier person – she has the most wonderful laugh, and wears flowered aprons, and she smells like cookie dough and apple cider. We live in an ivy-covered cottage out in the country, and every year Aunt Hannah plants sunflowers out front. I haven't lived there full time for the last six years, but it is still home." Marya smiled at the memory. "How about you, where is home to you, Severus?"

"Hogwarts, I guess." He had a 'private, no trespassing' look on his face that would have put her off further questions had she been able to see it in the dim light from the lanterns.

"What about your family?" asked Marya.

"My mother died some time ago. My father and I are not... close," he answered shortly.

"I am sorry – what happened?"

"I really don't care to discuss it," he said sharply. He felt her shrink away a couple of inches at his harsh tone of voice. "I am sorry, I did not mean to intrude," she said quietly, formally.

"Shall we walk some more?" he asked, not knowing what else to say. She nodded her assent. Walking along the river, they passed a couple kissing along the bank, some boisterous teenagers on the way to yet another party, and a group of quite tipsy middle-aged couples carrying on noisily. One of the group (a balding man with a beer belly) was determined to press them into wearing little purple party hats to join in the fun. For a minute, Marya was afraid she would have to take drastic measures to keep the poor Muggle from being hexed into oblivion, but the black scowl on the potion master's face proved sufficient to finally scare him off. The incidence was enough to break the tense mood, though.

"I would have liked to have seen you with a purple party hat," Marya said with a giggle. "I bet you would," he answered with a smirk. They were silent for a minute. Then Severus spoke up, awkwardly. "I am sorry – I am not used to talking about my private life... "

"It's alright, really." _It takes time to trust, Marya thought. At least he apologized. _She moved back up close to him.

It was cold – not as cold as up north at Hogwarts, but still cold. As they stood next to each other watching the moon cast a ribbon of silver light on the Thames, he could feel her shiver. All of a sudden, it seemed the most natural thing in the world to wrap his arm around her shoulders, offering warmth. He did it without even thinking. As if she had been waiting for him to take the first step, she turned towards him, and her arms wrapped lightly around his waist. With a contented sigh, she rested her head against his chest. For a moment he stood stock still, afraid to breathe.

Gingerly, carefully, unreasonably afraid he would spook her, he brought his other arm around her back, completing the embrace. In response, she hugged him tighter, one hand running up his back, gently moving in small circles.

Later, he couldn't remember how long they stood there. Time seemed to stand still.

Suddenly, there were lights all over the sky; fireworks going off in brilliant colors. "It must be midnight. Happy New Year, Severus." Her face upturned, she smiled at him with shining eyes.

He looked down at her, and had the distinct impression that were he to kiss her, she would offer no objections._ So why shouldn't he? Would it be so wrong to hold on to this bit of happiness a while longer? To enjoy tonight as much as he could? _

Instead, he softly kissed her on the forehead. "Happy New Year, Marya." She looked up questioningly, surprised by the sadness in his voice. He offered no explanation.

* * *

Later that night, Severus sat on the edge of his bed, his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. Time to face reality.

_She doesn't know what I am, what I have done. When I took this mark, I gave up the right to have someone like her care for me. And, as unlikely as it seems, it looks like she is starting to care. It isn't fair to her. If she knew, she would never want to spend time with me._ _She deserves better. She deserves to know the truth. _

In his head, he heard her voice again, behind the cot in Hogsmeade, the first time he had had his arm around her. Hoarse, filled with hate. ""Dark wizards, Death Eaters – god, I hate them...."

_He would need to tell her. Soon._

* * *

A/N: Please read and review! Thanks for your encouragement. I am having fun with this, fluff though it may be :-), and you guys reading it makes it more fun!


	14. The Mark

Marya allowed herself to sleep in the next morning – a luxury that would soon be over, as the students who had gone home over the Christmas holiday were expected back tomorrow. She was humming as she went about her morning routine – it had been a marvelous evening. A smile on her face, she remembered the feeling of his arms around her. He definitely _had_ grown on her. When she was with him, her emotions towards him seemed to vacillate between exasperation and tenderness, but by now she was sure that she liked him – liked him very much. She grinned at her reflection in the mirror.

Her smile faded a bit as she thought about how he had abrupty ended the evening – something seemed to be not right. She shrugged – if someone was going to figure that man out, it wasn't going to be her, not any time soon. But last night had been wonderful.

She didn't see him at all that day. He did not show up for any of the meals, and when she went by his quarters, he wasn't there. Maybe something had come up with the Order, and he had been called away. When he still hadn't put in an appearance by the next day, she started to get worried. But late that evening, as she was getting a cup of tea ready before bed, there was a knock at her door.

"Come on in, the door's open!" she called out. It was Severus. He entered without speaking. There was a look on his face that she couldn't place. "Is everything alright?" she asked, concerned. Instead of answering, he walked over to her window and looked out. She moved up behind him and placed a hand on his back. "Severus, what is it?"

_How was he to tell her? 'Last night was nice, but by the way, I was a Death Eater, one of those people who killed your parents.' How do you put something like that into words?_

"There is something I need to tell you," he finally said in a rough voice. He still avoided looking at her, pacing in front of the window. "Well, then?" she asked – he was scaring her now. Whatever it was, she had never seen him so agitated. He turned around, his face even paler than usual. He seemed to be struggling for words. Finally, "This," he said, and pulling up the left sleeve of his robe almost defiantly, held his forearm out for her to see.

He heard her quickly draw in her breath in a shudder. Her face had gone white and still.

_She remembered that mark. She remembered it floating, poison green in the night sky. There had been fire, and smoke, and people shouting.. Her mother, telling her to run. Dark robed figures, hooded faces, burning torches. All bathed in that ghastly emerald glow. She remembered a flash of bright light, and her mother screaming. A figure before her, face hidden behind a mask, wand raised. Another voice, hoarse and gravelly, saying, "Leave the young one. She isn't worth your time." And finally silence, flickering flames, emptiness. And still that hideous skull floating above her. _

She looked up with empty eyes. "_Death Eater_," she whispered, backing away from him.

"Let me explain, please, Marya..."

"_Were you there? Were you there, the night my parents..?"_ Her voice was almost inaudible, thin, dead.

"I can't remember. There were so many..." he said in anguish. It was the truth. He didn't know. He hoped to God that he hadn't been there that night. But he couldn't be sure. "Let me explain..."

Her arms were rigid by her side, her fists clenched. She was trembling. Hectic red spots now stood out like stains on her white, drained cheeks.

"_Get out_." A venomous whisper.

He raised his hands as if to appeal to her. "Marya..."

She flinched away from him. "_Get out_." Louder now, with a hysterical edge to her voice. "_Get out, and never come back_."

He closed his eyes for a moment, his face etched with pain, then stood up straight. With a small bow, he turned, and swept out of the room.

* * *

Outside her door, he stopped still for a moment. There was a sound of breaking glass coming from her room now. He drew a ragged breath – he had expected this. The mark made him anathema to anyone normal and whole. He had expected this – but that didn't mean he had not hoped...

He needed to get back to his quarters, back where no one could see him. Pulling himself together, he hurried down the dark hallways, praying to whatever deity might be out there that he would not run into anyone. Luckily, the hour was getting late, and the corridors were deserted. When getting close to the staffroom, he heard faint voices, though. He stopped, pressing himself to the wall.

The door to staff room opened, and the Headmaster and Minerva MacGonagall stepped out, deep in conversation. He caught just the tail end of a sentence as they walked off into the opposite direction – ".....and telling that girl to take care of Severus was one of the best ideas I ever had..." he heard Dumbledore's voice say with a chuckle. The voices faded to indistinguishable syllables as they drifted out of hearing range.

Snape leaned against the wall, looking as if he had been punched in the stomach.

_What a fool he had been. How could he ever have believed for even a second that she actually wanted to be around him? _

His anguish turned to white hot anger.

_All those times she had seemed to offer friendship, to care – just the doings of a clever actress. He would have not thought that she had it in her. She looked like such an innocent. She had roped him in nicely, taking her time. How she must have laughed._

He knew Dumbledore too well. His motives would be based on concern for him, for his well-being. It galled him to no end that the headmaster would treat him like a six year old child that couldn't find a friend on his own._ But_ _surely he would never have approved of her going so far. _

He shuddered as he remembered the look on her face as he had held her. _All of it - nothing but a farce. _His teeth were bared in a snarl, his face distorted.

_He would not forgive her as long as he lived._


	15. Midnight

* * *

Staring at the shards remaining of what had once been her favorite vase, Marya knelt on the floor unseeingly. For all her life she had hated Death Eaters – those responsible for the loss of her family. The first year after their death, every time she skinned her knee and her mother wasn't there, she had hated them. When she had gotten her Hogwarts letter, and couldn't run and tell her parents, she had hated them. When she had finished her schooling and received her N.E.W.T. results, and had seen other students rush into their parents' arms to celebrate, she had hated them. Every milestone in her life, there was that gaping hole. Aunt Hannah had tried her best, but she could never quite fill that void. And Marya had hated with a passion those who had caused it. 

After sitting motionless for the better part of half an hour, she got up. She had to talk someone.

Soon she was moving up the spiral staircase to the Headmaster's office and residence. After crossing his office, she knocked on the door to his private quarters. When he opened, it didn't look like he had been asleep yet, but she would not have cared if she had woken him from the deepest slumber. One look at the burning eyes in her white face, and he opened the door wide, beckoning her in.

"Marya, what happened?"

"You should have told me." Her voice was wild, angry. "How could you not tell me?"

"Tell you what?" His face showed his bewilderment.

"Severus Snape. A Death Eater."

Albus Dumbledore sat down next to her, understanding dawning on his face.

"I asked him if he was there the night my parents were killed. He said he _couldn't remember. _They were not even important enough to take notice off. Just some of many..."

At that, her voice shook, and tears started streaming unchecked down her still, white face. "They weren't even important enough to notice, Uncle Albus...."

With a sigh, Dumbledore took her hand.

"How much did he tell you?" he asked her, his voice patient and gentle.

"Just that. What else is there that matters? How could you not tell me?" she asked again, angrily, jerking her hand away.

"It wasn't my story to tell, Marya," he said quietly." There is much you don't understand. Since he chose to reveal this much of his past to you, I think I can fill in the details now, since he isn't here to defend himself. But I will have to put a memory charm on you, so you can never under any circumstances talk to anyone except me and Severus about what I am about to tell you. It is not that I don't trust you, you know that, but..."

Marya mutely nodded. She leaned back into the pillows, relaxing a bit, waiting.

Dumbledore paused for a moment, putting his fingertips together, gathering his thoughts.

Taking a breath, he began. "Let me tell you a story, Marya. About how once, there was a miserable, angry young man who turned to the Dark Lord, and became on of his devoted followers. For years he did the Dark Lord's bidding, and bore the Dark Mark with pride. He did and saw some horrible things. But then something happened, something that made him have a complete change of heart. He now regretted all the terrible things he had done. And he came to me, and offered something that was very hard and carried great risk – to keep by the Dark Lord's side, and spy for the Order, provide information that would save many lives and help to bring Lord Voldemort down.

Then, through a miracle, Voldemort was defeated. The Death Eaters were arrested or scattered. The young man was cleared of all charges against him because of the invaluable service he had rendered. He retreated into a normal life, with hardly anyone even knowing or remembering what he had been and what he had done, both for better and for worse.

Many years went by. And then Voldemort rose again, and regained his body, and called for his Death Eaters. The Dark Mark started burning again. The man had a choice now – he could run, disappear, live safely somewhere far away. Instead he chose to go back, to pretend to be one of the Dark Lord's Death Eaters again, to again spy for the re-formed Order.

It cost him dearly, for Voldemort did not take kindly to those Death Eaters who had deserted him when push came to shove, those he thought had betrayed him. And it has cost him dearly ever since." Dumbledore's face was stern. "He may bear the Dark Mark, but he is truly no more a Death Eater than I am. He is putting his life on the line every day. The scars he bears are no less battle scars than the scars of the Aurors you so admire. And that Mark on his forearm is and has been his greatest source of shame." Dumbledore paused, and looked at her. "Did he not tell you any of those thing?"

"I didn't let him talk," she whispered, barely audible. Dumbledore sighed. Marya noticed all of a sudden how much he had aged in the last three years – he looked tired and worn out.

"I am sorry that you did not give him a chance to explain, Marya. I truly am."

"But he is a murderer. If he didn't take my parents, he took someone else's. How can anything ever explain that away?" Hot tears were spilling over her face again.

Dumbledore patted her shoulder. "He is not the same man he was then. And he has paid for what was then over and over again." He looked at her lovingly, patiently "Go to bed now; think about what I told you. He is a good man, Marya. I would vouch for that with my life."

Rising, he led her to the door. Before letting her leave, he wrapped her in his arms, holding her in a tight embrace. Using a forefinger to lift her chin up, he looked down on her tearstained face. "I love you." Giving her another light squeeze, he let go of her and watched her leave with a heavy heart, heavy for her and for Severus. He knew Severus well enough to know how much it must have cost him to go to her. With all that was within him, he hoped that she would be able to let go of the hatred she had nursed for so many years, and that her heart would heal in the process.

Back in her room, Marya sat awake for hours. Images kept replaying themselves before the eyes of her mind, changing like a slide show, juxtaposing what she remembered from that night in her childhood with what had happened in this room tonight. Images of the Dark Mark, etched on the background of a sooty black sky, and on a background of flesh. The face of her mother filled with fear, and Severus' face, white and drawn, with that look of terrible pain.

As she sat there, she remembered stories her mother had told her, and later Aunt Hannah. When she had been christened, the day Dumbledore had stood up as her god-father, it had not been a day of meaning less ritual for her mother. She had found great wisdom in the stories of her faith.

And now, unbidden, those stories came back to Marya. The story of Moses, a murderer, who had a heart-change, and who became the leader of his people. Of David the king, a murderer, who had changed direction so much that God called him a man after his own heart. Finally, of Saul, a murderer many times over, whose life had changed so completely he was given a new name, and who became Paul, the greatest of the teachers of the faith. Redemption stories. Forgiveness stories. But, as well, stories of broken people, who had to live to the end of their lives with regret, with the knowledge of the monster-that-was.

And something broke within her, and the tears came, this time not tears of anger. Tears for herself, tears of loss, tears of grief. Tears for him - tears of lost dreams, of lost years. Tears of regret. How she wished she could have the moment back, to let him explain.

She would talk to him tomorrow. And with that, she was finally able to go to sleep.

* * *

A/N I am not really too thrilled with this chapter, but I tried to rewrite it several times, and it wasn't getting any better, so I thought I would post it and move on with the story...anyways, here it is, tell me what you think! 


	16. Let me explain

The next day was busy with last minute term preparations and the chaos ensuing from students returning to Hogwarts. Marya did not see hide nor hair of Severus Snape until dinner that evening. Professor McGonagall had already begun the announcements when he swept in without so much as a glance in her direction. He swept out again as soon as the main course was finished, leaving her with no chance to speak to him.

After dinner Dumbledore waved her down. "Marya, a word, if you don't mind." She followed him to the deserted staff room.

"Did you get a chance to think over what I talked to you about?" he inquired.

"Yes. I royally blew it, didn't I?" Marya said quietly. "It was such a knee-jerk reaction.... You trust him, and I knew that, and after all the time I spent with him the last couple month, I should have at least given him the benefit of a doubt, should have listened..."

"Marya, it isn't like it is entirely your fault. Severus knew your history, and there would probably have been several more diplomatic ways of broaching the subject he could have chosen." Dumbledore shook his head. "But the question is, how do you feel about him now? Do you feel you can still work with him?"

Marya looked frankly into his kind face. "I still prefer to not think about the possibility that he was there that night. It is... too hard. But I don't hate him. That lasted for only a moment. I can work with him."

"Good, good" Dumbledore said, "Now mind you, I can't promise anything because it isn't just my decision to make, but I think you are ready to join the Order. I will discuss it with some of the other people concerned."

Marya looked confused. "Why now?" she asked.

Dumbledore patted her on the shoulder. "Marya, before you would have joined just because you hate the Death Eaters so much. To me, that reason is... not good enough. I want you to fight _for_ something, not just against something. But last night, you took a step into the right direction. I can see it in your eyes." He escorted her to the door. "Did you get a chance to talk to Severus yet?"

"No," Marya answered with a sigh. "I think he is avoiding me. With good cause."

"Well, don't let it go too long. Better to resolve this soon...." He watched her walk away with a bit of trepidation – he knew only too well how tenderly Severus Snape could nurse a grudge.

* * *

The situation did not at all improve with classes starting up again the next day, so later that evening, Marya nervously made her way down to the Snape's dungeon. As she stuck her head into the classroom, she saw two very sullen Third Years who had somehow managed to draw detention on the very first day of class. They were up to their elbows in something green and slimy. The Potions master was nowhere to be seen. 

"Is Professor Snape around?" Marya asked.

"He's in there," one of the Third Years answered, grumpily jerking his head in the direction of the office door.

Marya gently knocked. "What is it now?" an irritated voice hissed from inside. Taking that as permission to enter, Marya opened the door, her heart beating frantically.  
"Hello, Severus," she said softly. He quickly rose from where he had been sitting marking parchments. She obviously wasn't whom he had been expecting.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" asked Marya.

"I was under the impression that you did not wish to speak to me," he answered, his face hard like flint.

"Please, let me explain.."

"No explanations are necessary." His voice was like ice - brittle, cold, and sharp.

"Severus, please – I went to see Uncle Albus last night, and he told me... anyways, I wanted to..." Marya stopped. The cold immobility of his face flustered her.

"I see no need for any further discussion."

"Let me explain – you caught me off guard, and I didn't know the whole story, and I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry.."

"_Miss_ Morava," he interrupted her, in a soft, dangerous voice, his lips curled, "let me disabuse you of the notion that I am interested in an apology. You made your opinion of me quite clear, and you are certainly more than justified in your assessment of my person. As not to insult your sensibilities with my presence, I will not require your assistance with potions work any longer, so feel free to make other plans for your day. I suggest we observe basic civilities as is becoming to colleagues. If that is all?"

With a dismissive gesture, he resumed his seat and picked up his quill.

Marya stood there for a second, her shoulders sagging.

"So this is it, then?" she finally whispered.

"I do not know what you are talking about. Good day, _Miss _Morava."

As she finally turned and left without another word, the sharp pang of loss he felt as she walked out the door caught him completely by surprise.

* * *

A/N: Sorry it is taking longer to update - I have company, and it is harder to find time to write right now. 

Serena the goddess, morwen24, Morrolan, Hippy Gypsy, Crazy Physco - thanks for reviewing, you have been so nice :-)

BoBi - I am glad you think Snape is in character - I think it is hard to write a romance that keeps him completely in character, but I am trying!


	17. Come to Order

It was March before Marya got the message. "The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix are at 12 Grimmauld Place. Please be there at 8 p.m. next Saturday night. A. D." After memorizing the message, she touched the paper with the tip of her wand, and with a murmured "Incendio" reduced it to ashes. It wouldn't do to have this fall into the wrong hands.

At quarter to eight Marya grabbed a handful of Floo Powder, and stepped into the fireplace. "Number 12 Grimmauld Place" she said clearly. She stepped out onto the hearth in the basement of the former Black residence with her heart beating in her throat.

One of the first to arrive, she was greeted by a formidable wizard who introduced himself as Kingsley Shacklebolt, and an equally formidable witch who gave her name as Emmeline Vance. Next to arrive was Alastor Moody, whom she had heard about, but had never met. As she sat down at the table, she wondered why she had ever thought that she might be in any shape or form an asset to the Order. These people were way out of her league. She was starting to feel that maybe she should just quietly Floo out again, when the Weasley family, Didalus Diggle, and Mundungus Fletcher arrived in a noisy gaggle. She breathed a sigh of relief – that bunch didn't look anywhere near as intimidating. If there was a place for them, maybe there would be one for her.

The ranks of the Order had swollen by quite a few members since the return of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had become public knowledge, and the place was filling up. Shortly before the meeting was to start, her god-father arrived, with Severus Snape in tow. Dumbledore nodded at her encouragingly, but Snape pointedly looked in a different direction. She still hadn't figured out how to get used to being roundly ignored by him. Even though he seemed to barely be conscious of her existence, the same could not be said vice versa. She was only too aware of the fact that every time she caught sight of him, her heart gave an inexplicable little lurch.

Following them was another familiar face – Nymphadora Tonks, who had been a couple Years below her at Hogwarts. She had always liked her – indeed, it seemed very hard for people _not_ to like Tonks. There was a very endearing quality about her. She wasn't sure if Tonks would recognize her, but the young Auror made a beeline towards her. "Hey, you were in school with me, weren't you? Are you new here? Glad to have you!" and sat down next to her, upsetting the glass of water in front of her in the process. Marya was certain that Tonks had no idea what a relief it was to have someone next to her that she actually knew. Tonks turned to the somewhat shabbily dressed wizard sitting on her right. "Remus, have you two met?"

So this was Remus Lupin – Marya had heard the name often at Hogwarts; most of the older students were still lamenting his loss as the Defense Against the Dark Arts master several years ago. She liked him immediately – he had a nice face. A kind face. Noticing her nervousness, he promptly involved her and Tonks in conversation and somehow managed to make Marya feel a whole lot more at ease. It was easy to see how he had won many students' hearts in the year he had been at Hogwarts.

Dumbledore called the meeting to order.

"Before we start, I would like to introduce you to Marya Morava. She teaches Runes at Hogwarts, and has other skills that might be...valuable. I am sure she will be a commendable addition to the Order. Marya, if you would please come over here?"

Marya rose, her face flaming again. Everyone was looking at her.

Dumbledore's face turned solemn as he spoke. "Please raise your right hand. Will you promise to serve in the Order of the Phoenix to the best of your ability, to bear true faith and allegiance to the Order and its cause, and to protect the secrets of the Order with your life, if necessary?" "I will," she answered with a bit of a quiver in her voice, fully aware of the seriousness of what she had just promised.

"Then may I introduce to you the newest member of the Order of the Phoenix." A round of applause greeted her as Dumbledore smilingly turned her around to face the room. She shyly sunk into a half-curtsey, and slunk back to her seat, glad to be out of the spotlight again.

* * *

Severus Snape had had a bit of a shock when he had come in and recognized the Runes mistress. A couple weeks ago the Headmaster had cornered him after a staff meeting. 

"_Severus, I would like my god-daughter to join the Order. I have noticed a certain...tension between you and her though, so I thought I would ask if there is anything I should know about, anything that would cause a problem were she to be there?"_

_He had decided long ago that it would be a cold day in hell before he let either Dumbledore or Marya know that he had become wise to their little scheme. The whole thing was just too humiliating. _

_The incident in her room had given him enough of an excuse to break off contact with her except for the unavoidable minimum, but there was no reason he could plausibly offer that would have excluded her from the Order. Gritting his teeth, he had given his assent. _

So there she was – he hadn't known that tonight would be her induction meeting, or he would have purposely been late. After their last conversation, he had tried to steer clear of her as much as he could. On a couple more occasions she had tried to talk to him, but he had shot down every attempt. There was something forlorn about her face the last time it had happened that made him feel guilty, like he was torturing small animals for fun. He had to firmly remind himself that it obviously just another attempt to fulfill her 'mission' before the pesky feeling left. After that, it seemed that she had given up on talking to him – but not on doing her 'job', apparently. When he had asked Poppy Pomfrey why it had been such a long time since she had requested medical potion refills from him, she had cheerfully answered that dear Marya had offered to take over that chore, and not to trouble himself, she was doing a fine job, thank you very much.

And now her presence was going to plague his life here, too. Severus sighed to himself. Oh well, it couldn't be helped.

* * *

A/N Nistrale and Morrolan, I am glad you are enjoying the story. xkuroxshinobix and Crazy-Physco, thank you for reviewing.

Everyone , please keep telling me what you think, any obvious mistakes, etc


	18. Indisposed

One morning in late April, Marya woke to the sound of someone knocking rather persistently on the door of her quarters. "Coming!" she yelled as she pulled on her robe and went to answer the door. It was Minerva McGonagall.

"Did I wake you? So sorry," she said briskly. "Severus sent a note that he is indisposed today. I have Professor Sprout covering the morning classes, but the afternoon is a double N.E.W.T. class, and I am afraid that might be a bit much for her. Could you cover that period?"

Marya was still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Shouldn't be a problem." Monday was her lightest day – she only had a couple classes before noon.

"All right then, I will mark you down for those."

As the Deputy Headmistress turned to leave, Marya called after her.

"Wait. Do you know what is wrong with Severus?"

McGonagall laughed mirthlessly. "No, and I know better than to stick my nose where I am not wanted. I just about got my head bit off last week when I so much as asked if he was feeling quite well. He knows how to find the hospital wing."

Marya stood in the door watching McGonagall's back disappearing down the hallway. This didn't sound good to her. She had seen Severus Snape drag himself to work when she was sure he would have been better off in bed with a cup of tea. He wouldn't skive off classes unless there was something seriously wrong, of that she was fairly certain. In a second she made up her mind. She would go and check on him. She could always say that she just needed to find out what he had planned for the N.E.W.T. class – which would at least partly be the truth.

After getting dressed and running a comb through her hair she made her way to his quarters. She knocked gently on the door. No answer. She knocked harder. Still no answer. What now?

For a minute Marya stood, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. What if he was too ill to answer the door? She weighed her option. If he caught her in his quarters without permission, there would be hell to pay.

Finally she shrugged. In the long run, what could he possibly do to her? Things couldn't deteriorate much further than they already had. So "_Alohomora_," she whispered, and pointed her wand at the lock. With a click, she heard the door open. She breathed a sigh of relief – she had seen him place wards on his office, and knew she would have had a hard time breaking anything more than a simple security spell without wasting a lot of time. Luckily he didn't seem to see as much of a need to protect his quarters.

Cautiously she stepped through the door, softly calling, "Hello?" No one answered.

She couldn't see anyone in the sitting room, so she crossed over to the bedroom door.

He was draped on top of his bed as if he had barely managed to crawl there before collapsing. A hood and a mask lay discarded on the floor. Dressed in mud-spattered boots and a cloak as if he had just been out, he lay sprawled on his back, his face white and spent. Marya hurried over to his side, summoning her bag as she ran.

"Severus! Are you alright?" His eyes fluttered open. He grimaced when he recognized her.

"I am fine." His voice was weak, barely a whisper, but still filled with venom. "Get out."

She stood up, determination on her face. "Fine. I am getting Madam Pomfrey then. I am not leaving you here alone like this."

His eyes narrowed. "No. I can manage fine by myself," he hissed. "_Leave_ now."

"You could at this point not even get a glass of water for yourself, I think," Marya answered in exasperation. "It is either Poppy Pomfrey or me. Take your pick."

She sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. "Severus, please," she said softly, "could you just for a minute pretend we didn't have a certain conversation, and I am just some mediwitch you never met before, and let me do my job? Let me take care of you?"

"Your job." She was surprised at the bitterness in his voice.

He tried to pull himself together to argue, but suddenly his resistance crumbled. At least she was Order. She knew. And he had seen her in Healer Mode before – he was not going to win this one. She was dead serious about not leaving him alone. And he was just too weak and too weary and in too much pain right now to put up much of a fight. "Do your job, then," he said bitterly, resigned.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" she asked. His hand went to his side almost involuntarily, but Marya had seen the gesture. She opened his cloak, and untucked his shirt from his trousers. Pulling it up, she uncovered an angry bruise that covered most of one side of his chest. The skin was swollen, discolored. As her fingers expertly started to probe the tissue, she saw him flinch.

"I am hurting you. I'm sorry."

"What does it matter?" he sneered.

"It does matter," she said quietly. He just snorted and looked away.

"A few broken ribs. Nothing I can't fix," she told him when she was done with her examination. "I am afraid it is going to hurt though." She looked up at him. "Do you want some potion for the pain before I start?"

"Just get on with it," he said roughly.

She studied the damaged area for a moment, then with a "_Reparosteo"_ her wand tip drew precise lines on his skin, realigning the bones beneath, causing them to meld together. "Just a minute more." She knew the pain must be intense, but other than a light misting of sweat on his face he gave no sign or sound of feeling it.

When she was finished, she gently massaged an ointment into the bruised skin. "This will be sore for a few days." The broken ribs did not explain his state of complete physical exhaustion though.

"What happened?" she asked gently, "did Lord Voldemort...?" Her voice trailed off.

"I am sure the idea of offering myself up to torture by the Dark Lord in the service of the Order sounds quite heroic," he said bitterly, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "The truth is that the meeting was interrupted by Ministry Aurors who seemed to have no idea that I am supposed to be one of the good guys." He was spitting out the words. "I took several stunners, and who knows what else after I went down. If some of my fellow Death Eaters had not gotten me out of there, I would be dead or in Azkaban right now. Not quite as romantic a story, is it?" His lip curling, he looked away.

Marya was quiet for a moment. She didn't know what to say. Until that moment, she had not fully realized the precariousness of his situation – caught between the two jaws of a vise, pressed from all directions. 'Sorry' didn't seem adequate.


	19. Revelation

"Let's get you more comfortable," Marya finally said, for lack of a better response.

Severus' face was still turned away. _Why did he have to tell her all that? If she only knew how often in the past her assessment of the situation would have been right – but not this time. He still didn't know how those Aurors had found out about the meeting. Fudge in his paranoia had reinstated the same rules for Aurors that had been instituted by Barty Crouch during the first war against the Dark Lord. They could use the Unforgivable Curses without repercussions if they felt it necessary. He should be thankful that this bunch had not – the stunners had been quite effective enough since they had had the element of surprise on their side. He still didn't know how exactly he had gotten out of there, or who hadn't, or how he had managed to Floo back to his rooms. But why couldn't he just have kept his mouth shut? It was none of her business._

She was now taking off his shoes, removing his cloak. Every movement was calm, efficient, professional. He found that a comfort – he couldn't have stood getting fussed over in the fluttery, hectic, bustling way he had observed in other females.

He saw her eyeing his shirt and trousers, but the don't-even-think-about-it look he gave seemed enough to make her decide that this was as 'comfortable' as he was going to get at this point.

With practiced motions she helped him under the covers. He stretched out with a sigh of relief and closed his eyes. He would just take her at her word and... pretend, just for a few minutes. Slowly, he relaxed. She disappeared, and he heard water running. In a moment, she was back with a cool cloth, and gently, carefully wiped his face and his hands. He could have stopped her; it wasn't necessary – but it felt good.

She stood up. "I'll be back in a little bit. You need to get something into your stomach. Stay put." He smiled a humorless smile. _Where did she think he was going to go in his present state?_

She was back in less than ten minutes, with a mug of something hot and steaming in her hand. Placing the mug on the night stand, she helped him up into a half-sitting position. She slid in behind him on the bed, and leaned him back, supporting him against herself. All of a sudden he was very much aware of her physical closeness, her arms around him. It was disconcerting.

"Can you hold the cup?" she asked. As hard as he tried, he couldn't - his hands were still shaking too much. He barely managed to suppress a curse at that. How he hated being this helpless, having anyone see him this helpless. Without a word, she picked up the cup and brought it to his mouth. "Here, drink."

"What is it?" he asked, suspiciously eying the contents.

"Just some nice strong broth. Now _drink_." He took a sip – the hot, salty liquid felt good going down. It didn't take him long to drain the mug.

When he had finished, she settled him back into the pillows. She was sitting there on the edge of the bed with an expectant look on her face, as if she was waiting for something. What did she want now?

It was then that the world started going blurry. He only had time to say, "You put some..." in an outraged voice before everything faded to black.

"Yupp," Marya said, her face entirely unrepentant. The sleeping draught she had mixed with the broth had worked well. She hadn't dared to give him asphodel and wormwood; the taste was too distinctive. This version of the potion wasn't as strong, but it should still give him eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, and had the advantage of being completely taste- and odorless. He was too averse to giving up control to take a draught, she figured, and so she had made an executive decision. He needed the rest. Of course he would probably give her a nice ear-full later, but she would deal with it then. Grinning to herself, she thought that not having much to lose certainly had some advantages. She had been more daring today than she had been in a long time. It was kind of fun.

She looked down at the sleeping man. For a minute, she studied his features. He would never in a million years be called handsome – but it didn't matter. Sleep had relaxed his face, softening the hard lines life had etched onto it. He looked younger, more vulnerable than she had ever seen him. Gently, with one finger, she traced the outline of his face. He didn't stir.

It was then that she knew that she loved him. It wasn't some earth-shattering, thunderbolt-and-lightning type of revelation – it came quietly, peacefully, like giving a name to something that had always been there.

She had no illusions. He could be vindictive, paranoid, unpleasant. But she loved him anyways. She remembered his arms around her, how safe she had felt. The tenderness she had seen in his eyes, just for a moment. She loved the graceful way he moved, the shape of his hands, his voice. She loved his courage, his amazing mind, his razor-sharp wit. For good or for bad, he lived intensely – nothing he did was half-hearted. To be loved by such a man would be a frighteningly wonderful thing indeed. And it would never happen. Not to her.

One more time she bent down, and lightly brushed his closed eyelids with her lips. "Sleep now," she whispered. Then with a sigh, she stood up. He would sleep for hours, and she had a class to teach.

* * *

A/N: Any reviews or constructive criticism would be most welcome! 

Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing - I appreciate each one!


	20. Kitchen talk

When she was finally done with classes in the late afternoon, she returned to his quarters, her arms full of parchments his students had handed in from the last lesson's assignments. This time her knock was answered by a curt 'Enter'. She opened the door in trepidation – time to face the music.

He was sitting in a chair in front of the cold fireplace. The fact that he didn't stand up when she entered let her know that he was not yet up to par.

"How are you doing? Are you feeling better?" she asked.

Instead of giving an answer, he motioned to the chair next to his. "Sit down. Now."

Marya nervously took a seat.

"I will only tell you this once. If you ever administer a potion to me without my knowledge or permission again, I am going to make life very unpleasant for you. You absolutely overstepped your bounds, and you will _never _do anything like that again, do I make myself clear?" he said in that silky-cold voice, barely above a whisper, which made her feel his anger more keenly than any amount of yelling would have done.

"I am sorry. You are right," she said in a small voice. As the day had progressed, the feeling that this had been the right decision to make had evaporated. At the time, she had just wanted to ensure that he would get the rest she thought he needed. How much of a disregard for his right to make his own decisions it was hadn't occurred to her until later. He had a right to be angry. "I should not have done that. Please forgive me."

"You will from now on stay away from my quarters. I have gotten along just fine without you up to now, and I would have survived just fine this time," he continued, as if he had not heard her at all. He pointed to the door. "You may leave now."

Marya had had enough as well. She was tired. So tired. "I told you I am sorry. And it will _not_ happen again. But at the same time, I can tell you that it was done with the best intentions. You _are_ better now, and I am glad to see that." She got up to leave and unceremoniously dumped the parchments on the chair. At the door, she paused and looked back at him. "I guess you are the only one entitled to second chances," she said bitterly. There was a look on his face as if this at least had registered – but she didn't wait around for a reply.

* * *

The next few weeks felt horrible to Marya. It just seemed like she was running into Severus everywhere – at meal times, in the hallways, on the way to class. She hadn't thought it would be so hard to be around him. But just catching a glimpse of his black-robed figure in the distance was enough to throw her heart into a state of serious disarray.

She found herself spending more time at the headquarters of the Order. The house at Grimmauld Place was a blessedly Snape-free zone. He only showed up if he needed to give a briefing, and left as soon as the meeting was over.

Marya felt much a part of the Order now. For the most part, it was less exciting than she had though. She mostly got stuck with grunt work – the more dangerous and interesting assignments seemed to go to those members of the Order with much better combat and dueling skills. But her medical skills had come in handy on a few occasion, and she felt at ease there now. There was a place for her here, a role she could fill.

This evening, Marya was standing in the kitchen with Molly Weasley, getting dinner ready before the meeting tonight. Getting to know most of the extended Weasley clan made her sorry that she wasn't part of a large family. There was so much warmth and affection there – and much of it seemed to originate with Molly, who was an absolute delight. Marya liked to help her with the cooking, listening to her chatting away the whole time. It seemed homey, somehow.

The door to the kitchen opened, and Remus Lupin came in. "Smells good," he said, and stuck his finger in the pot to taste. Molly good-naturedly slapped in his direction with a cooking spoon, but he dodged her skillfully. Marya, her hands covered in flour, stood laughing at both of them.

"You get out now, Remus; you can wait like everyone else," Molly said in mock indignation, hands on hips. "Unless you want to help, of course?" Soon he was ensconced on one side of the kitchen, chopping vegetables for a salad.

As the only full-time resident of the house, Remus Lupin was often the only one there when Marya Floo'd in. Further acquaintance had only improved her opinion of him. He was kind, considerate, and level headed, and she much enjoyed talking with him. It hadn't taken her long to feel completely comfortable around him, something that didn't happen to her very often. She grinned to herself as she thought about the way she had seen him look at Nymphadora Tonks when he thought no one was watching. In her opinion, they would fit together quite nicely. She liked them both.

Tantalizing smells filled the kitchen, and it wasn't long until Marya was sending steaming dishes in the direction of the table with a flick of her wand. She had just picked up a casserole dish to take to the table when she turned around and found herself face to face with Severus Snape. Her face turned first white, then red. His appearance was most unexpected, and she had been utterly unprepared – he usually didn't show up until well after dinner was over. Off to the side, Remus Lupin was watching her curiously.

"I need to ask you if you could wait with dinner for a few minutes. I will not be able to be here later, and there is something I needed to talk to everyone about. I assure you it will not take long," Snape addressed Molly, looking straight over Marya's head.

"Certainly, Severus," Molly answered. "Marya, could you just stick the dishes back in the oven to keep warm?" While Molly went to gather everyone, Marya directed the dishes back. She was one of the last to sit down, taking an empty seat at the far end of the table, next to Remus.

While they were waiting for Snape to organize his papers to give his latest report, Remus leaned over to Marya. "You like him a lot, don't you?" he whispered.

Marya brought her hands up to her cheeks, trying to cover up the furious blush that had sprung up at those words. "Is it that obvious?" she whispered back.

"No. I just happened to see the look on your face at the right time..." he said teasingly.

Marya turned to him and whispered, "Did it look like your face when you look at Tonks?"

Now it was Remus whose cheeks turned pink just a bit. "Is it that obvious?" he asked sheepishly.

"No," Marya said, "I just happened to see the look on your face at the right time..." They looked at each other, and burst out laughing.

It was a laughter that they quickly suppressed when they noticed the disapproving scowl of Severus Snape on them. "If you two are quite finished?" he sneered.

"We'll talk later," Remus whispered in Marya's ear.


	21. Pathetic people

Snape stood up and cleared his throat. "I am afraid that I don't have much of anything specific. The Dark Lord has been trying to keep a low profile up to now, with only sporadic attacks. One result of that is that recruitment is not going as well as he has been hoping. Not many people are joining the ranks of the Death Eaters. It is a good thing for the Order, but not something that he is satisfied with. So there are rumors of a major attack, something that will demonstrate his power."

Snape stopped in annoyance as whispers and murmurs broke out all around the the table. He stood silently, with an icy expression on his face, until the noise died down and everyone was looking at him again.

"I am afraid that the Dark Lord is suspecting a leak somewhere, and is not giving specific information. All we can do is be ready and alert. To that effect, the Head of the Order has designed a small item that will make communication much easier."

He pulled a pouch out of one of deep pockets in his robe, and untied it. In it were small locket-like pendants, suspended from silver chains. Each one had a slightly different shape, but they all looked plain and innocuous.

"You will see that there is a small tag attached to each one. Please take the one with your name on it." As the bag made its way around the table, each person removed a locket.

"The locket is keyed to each person, and will allow the Head to contact one or all of you as needed. It has been charmed so that the pendant will pulsate very slightly when you are summoned. That will be your signal to make your way to Headquarters immediately, or as soon as you safely can. You will receive further instructions here."

"Please be advised that the device is one-directional, you can neither contact the Head nor each other using it. The Head will only use it in an emergency when immediate action is necessary. Any questions? No? Please put them on then."

Marya turned to Remus. "Could you put it on for me? I am having problems with the clasp." When he had fastened the chain around her neck, she tightened her hand around the pendant, and then dropped it out of sight beneath the collar of her robe. So it was getting serious now.

Snape cleared his throat again. "As I said, we don't have any specific information, but I will let Headmaster Dumbledore know as soon as I find out anything. Now if you will excuse me? I have some other business to attend to tonight, so I will leave you to your dinner." He gathered his things, turned and with a rustle of robes swept out of the room.

* * *

After dinner and the rest of the meeting were over, and just about everyone had left, Remus walked over to Marya. "Want to go get a drink?"

"Sounds good," she answered. "There is a Muggle pub around the corner, or we can go to the Leaky Cauldron if you want to..."

"The Leaky Cauldron it is." They apparated to the pub, and settled at a small table in a dark corner.

"So it is Snape, hm?" Remus asked, holding a bottle of butterbeer.

"Afraid so," Marya answered with a sigh. "Doesn't make a whole lot of sense, does it?"

Remus shook his head. "I confess, he doesn't seem like a very likely candidate..."

"Remus, I know what he is like. But you haven't seen him the way I've seen him – there were a couple months that were just wonderful. I like talking to him. I like being around him – well, when he treats me like a human being. " She laughed. "And even now – he gives so much. I can't imagine doing what he is doing ... "

"I am glad somebody can see him like that," Remus said soberly. "I don't think there are many who even like him very much."

"I like him. I like caring for him. I think it is something I wouldn't mind doing forever, if he would only let me. And I think I would like him caring for me. I believe he would be good at it," she said wistfully. "He is much stronger than I am... and I want to feel his arms back around me, and kiss him properly, and I wish I knew how to fix things to the way they were, and... I don't know why I am telling you all this, except that it feels good to tell _someone_." She laughed shakily and straightened herself up. "So what about you and Tonks?"

"Not much to tell. I think she's – sweet, and fun, and wonderful....but she can do so much better than me. Why would she want an old man who turns into a beast once a month?" There was a hopelessness in his voice that touched Marya's heart. She laid her hand over his. "You don't give yourself enough credit, Remus. I think you are the sweetest, most wonderful man. And she obviously likes you."

"Likes me, yes. I guess I'll take that." He downed half his butterbeer.

Both of them sat, staring at their bottles.

"I love her chin, you know..." Remus said.

Marya chuckled. "I love the way he swoops around a corner..."

"And I love her hair when it is fuchsia..."

"I love his voice – it gives me goose bumps..."

"I love the way her nose wrinkles up when she is thinking really hard...."

"He has wonderful eyes..." They were silent again.

"We are pathetic, you know?" Remus said with a chuckle.

"Yupp. Completely and utterly." Marya raised her bottle and laughed. "A toast to pathetic people"

"Hear, hear." Their bottles clinked together. For a while longer, they talked and laughed, then finally Marya got up.

"I think I better go – I have a class early tomorrow," she said. As he walked her over to the fireplace so she could get back to Hogwarts, she reached up and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for listening."

Neither one of them noticed a bat-like shadow stop outside the window, watching them.


	22. Of nightmares and pleasant days

Severus Snape awoke at 3:30 a.m. the next morning. He was used to nightmares – for as long as he could remember they had haunted his sleep. He could recount the worst ones by heart. There were those nightmares based in his past. Being half naked and humiliated at the hands of James Potter and his cronies. The face of a Muggle woman begging for mercy for her children, and finding none. Being locked in a basement with imagined horrors, while the true horror was making his mother scream above.

And those nightmares of things yet to come – over and over, the image of the Dark Lord discovering him a traitor. He had died at the hands of Lord Voldemort twenty different ways in his dreams.

This dream was different. For months now, it had been the same, over and over again, almost every night...

_He was walking across a bleak, empty moor. The world was a monochrome study in grey- grey clouds covering the sky, and low grey bushes, heather, and grasses covering the desolate landscape. In this cold, dreary world he wandered on and on. Somehow, he knew that far ahead there was a light in a window, a roaring fire, a good meal, and a warm bed. But as he doggedly trudged on, it seemed to shift and slide further away, just beyond the horizon, forever out of reach. Yet he kept in blind hope chasing the mirage, walking, walking, walking..._

_And just when he finally saw a tiny twinkle of light in the distance, and quickened his step, the ground gave way, and there was a sensation of falling and falling, until he woke up with a start, with a sense of yearning that made his chest ache, and the cold of the moor still chilling him to the bone,_

After months of this he thought that he would actually welcome it if James Potter and the Dark Lord somehow teamed up to torment him in his dreams. With a groan, he rose and pulled on a dressing gown. There was no way he could go back to sleep, so he might as well get some work done.

* * *

_Later that day...._

Marya took off her robe and put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. It was Friday, classes were over, and she was out of here. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful spring day, and she was longing to be somewhere familiar with someone who would not expect anything of her. She wanted to go home.

As Marya stepped out of the fireplace at her aunt's house at the agreed-upon time, the tiny, white-haired witch was already waiting for her. Swiftly, Marya was caught up in a bear hug, kissed on the cheek, and bustled over to a table on the veranda where a teapot hiding under a quilted pink cozy was already waiting for her.

Aunt Hannah planted herself in the chair across, and poured the tea, fixing it the way Marya liked it – sweetened, with lemon, no milk. Cradling the steaming cup in her hand, Marya found herself relaxing.

They made small-talk for a while, with Marya telling of her experiences at Hogwarts and recounting amusing anecdotes involving her students, and her aunt filling her in on all the latest happenings and all the gossip going around the village.

After tea, they walked around the garden, arm in arm. Many of the flowers were just starting to bloom. Aunt Hannah's garden was a kaleidoscope of colors, different shades and textures whirling in startling but strangely compatible patterns.

"Tell me what is wrong," Aunt Hannah finally said.

Marya looked up in astonishment. She had no idea how Aunt Hannah did it – as far as she knew, she had not given off any signals that anything was amiss. She sighed – she should have known better than to try and fool the elder witch.

Finally, she laughed, squeezing Aunt Hannah's waist. "Nothing much - I have managed to fall hopelessly in love with a man who doesn't want anything to do with me. That about sums it up. Not the end of the world, I am sure."

"Does he know?" Aunt Hannah asked quietly.

"I have tried all I can think of – every time things go wrong, I have tried to patch things up. I have tried showing him I care about him any way I can. I am plumb out of ideas."

Aunt Hannah was silent for a moment. "Have you tried simply _telling_ him how you feel?" she finally asked.

"Oh Auntie, I couldn't. You don't know him – he can't stand me. He won't even talk to me. All he does is glower and sneer at me - that is when he deems me worthy of any notice at all, which isn't very often. It is hopeless, and I really don't want to talk about it. It's complicated."

"Hopeless, hm?"

Privately, Aunt Hannah was thinking that there was a lot of truth to the old adage that love and hate are closely related. And that this gentleman, whoever he was, seemed to be putting a little too much effort into letting her niece known that he 'couldn't stand her'.

Wrapping her arm around her niece's waist, she gave her a little squeeze and simply said "I don't think very many things are ever truly hopeless," and then wisely dropped the subject.

In a way, Marya was glad to have gotten this out of the way. Now there were two people who knew her secret – and it felt better, less lonely. And it allowed her to simply put it out of her mind for a few days. For the rest of the weekend, she just let Aunt Hannah love on her, soaking in the easy companionship, the good food, the laughter. It was a much refreshed Runes mistress who got ready to return to Hogwarts Sunday night.

They were standing in the kitchen, and Aunt Hannah was wrapping up some home-made ginger snaps and almond crescents for Marya to take along. As she handed the package to Marya, she hesitated, and then said, "Just feel free to ignore an old woman's advice – but if you get a chance, tell him how you feel. - You don't want to later regret that you never did," she ended with a bit of a sigh. As Marya threw the handful of Floo powder into the fireplace after a final hug, she wondered if there was a story there that she had never heard...

"Professor Morava's Room, Hogwarts" she said, and let out a long breath. Aunt Hannah's advice might be proper and feasible in any other situation, but she honestly didn't see how she would ever be able to follow it where a certain Potions master was concerned.


	23. Poor Blueberry

For once, Snape felt the walls of the dungeon close in on him. The day had begun and ended on the same lousy note. First period had brought not one, but two melted cauldrons, all while making a simple Forgetfulness Potion. As far as Snape was concerned, teaching First Years, especially Hufflepuff First Years, was the Fates' way of punishing him for past sins committed – his own private purgatory.

Last of the day had been a combined Gryffindor and Slytherin double Potions class. Why Dumbledore insisted on having those two Houses combined for as tricky and attention-demanding a class as Potions, he would never know. Of course, a fight had broken out, resulting in a broken jar of eye-of-newt, an even-worse-tempered-than-usual Potions master, and a week's worth of detention for all involved – even the Slytherins, a certain sign of how sorely his patience had been tested.

The result of all this was that after the last of the student had left, Severus Snape sat at his desk for a while with his eyes closed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. With an air of finality, he shoved the parchments he _should_ have been grading to the side of the desk, and got up. He needed some fresh air.

Wandering the grounds somewhat aimlessly, he found himself near the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Suddenly, an idea occurred to him – could he find the place where the WinterStar had grown? He wondered if any of the plant remained throughout the year, or if it died off completely during the summer. At least this would provide some sort of a destination for his amble.

Checking the bramble along the side of the forest for landmarks, he thought that he must be getting close to the small clearing next to which the plant had grown, close to the ancient oak.

All of a sudden he stopped dead in his tracks. There were noises ahead – what, he could not quite make out yet. Stealthily moving forward, he thought he could make out a voice, sounding commanding one minute, frustrated the next.

Noiselessly, he pushed through the bushes, then crept up to an old beech tree near the edge of the clearing. Crouching behind the trunk, he stopped and watched.

What he saw made him smirk – Dumbledore's god-daughter, obviously trying to cause grave bodily harm to... a blueberry bush.

As he looked on, he saw her raise her wand, and speak the words to the Blasting spell in the most commanding voice she could muster while pointing her wand at the hapless bush. The result consisted of a small cloud of dust that rose up from the leaves, leaving the rest of the plant otherwise unharmed.

She dropped her wand to her side, muttered something sounding suspiciously like a swear word, and then pulled herself together. "Try, try again," she said in a frustrated voice, and raised her wand again. As the next cloud of dust rose off the blueberry bush, Severus raised himself to his full height, noiselessly stepped up behind her, and said in the most sugar-sweet voice, "May I inquire as to what exactly it is that poor bush has done to you?"

At the sound of his voice, Marya spun around with a shriek, wand at the ready.

Snape raised his hands in mock surrender. "Miss Morava, I am sure I would not want to incur your displeasure, seeing as you are so... dangerous with the wand."

Marya blushed crimson. "How long have you been watching?" she demanded.

"Long enough," Snape sneered. "Would he tell me what exactly it is you are trying to accomplish?"

Marya pocketed her wand and turned away, trying to hide her embarrassment. "Trying to practice," she finally whispered. Half turning back towards him, she said, "What if the Order gets summoned, like you said? What if I have to defend myself? Or help someone? I barely passed my Defense Against the Dark Arts NEWT – and I am five years out of practice. If I should have to fight a Death Eater...." Her voice trailed off.

"Why, Miss Morava, I am sure any Death Eater would gladly hold still and let you knock the dust of his robes," Severus said, still in the same saccharine, taunting voice.

Marya exploded. "Dammit, Seve... Profes... whatever! It's not like I asked you to sneak up on me. Could you just kindly leave me alone if you don't have anything constructive to contribute!?"

"Very well then." Severus turned almost lazily, drew his wand with a bored air, muttered a word, and gave an almost imperceptible flick of the wrist. The blueberry bush flew six feet into the air, and fell, uprooted, in the middle of the clearing.

"Is that what you were going for?" he asked sweetly, turning back to her.

Marya closed her eyes, and took several deep breathes, all while fighting unmentionable thoughts in which the words "insufferable", "show-off", and "conceited" were some of the milder terms occurring.

Finally, she found her voice. "Well, _Sir_, as I don't have Death Eaters volunteering to practice with me, I guess I had to start somewhere. Thank you kindly for your most enlightening demonstration. Now if you will excuse me?" She tried to walk around him, but he stepped in her way with a small, mocking bow.

"How about yours truly?" he said.

"You?" she said, unbelievingly.

"Unless you have forgotten, I _am _presently engaged as a real live Death Eater, at least part of the time?" he asked facetiously.

"_You_ want to help _me_?"

"I believe that is what I just indicated?" he said impatiently.

Marya took a steadying breath – again. Well, if she really wanted to get better, here was her chance. "Alright," she answered cautiously, "What do you want me to do?"

* * *

Nistrale, sorry the chapters aren't longer, but I find I can get about 1000 words written, edited, and rewritten in a couple of hours, and usually I don't have much longer!

Reviewers – thank you so very much, again, from my heart!!


	24. Dueling lessons

"What are you able to do so far?" he asked.

"Basics. Impedimenta Curse, Leg-Locker Curse, Shield Charm, that sort of thing. Look, I can take a boggart or a grindylow, but I am awful at dueling," Marya said in frustration, "and it doesn't help that our teachers the last couple of years were not exactly the cream of the crop. Assume I don't know much of anything."

"Alright." Severus looked around. Taking her by the shoulders, he turned her towards another tall shrub. "Pretend this is a Dark Wizard, attacking... shall we say, Remus Lupin?" he said with a sneer. "What would you do to stop his attacker? Give it your best shot."

Marya inhaled deeply, raised her wand and cast the Blasting Curse she had been unsuccessfully trying for the last hour. The result: another small cloud of dust. She could have smacked herself – why hadn't she chosen a spell she had mastered, like the Reductor Curse. No, she had to make a fool out of herself in front of him yet again.

"No. Altogether inadequate. You are going about it quite the wrong way." Impatiently, he stepped right up behind her, so close that the front of his robe touched her back. Reaching around, he put his hand over her wand hand, guiding her through the motions. "Here, like this."

Marya couldn't breathe all of a sudden. He was standing so close she could feel the warmth of his body. His long, narrow fingers felt cool over hers. Her mind went blank.

"Miss Morava, are you paying attention?" he hissed in her ear. "I have other things I could be doing with my time if you are not interested in concentrating."

Struggling to regain her composure, Marya nodded. Snape stepped a couple of feet away.

"Try again," he commanded.

Still breathing shallowly, Marya complied, trying to duplicate what he had shown her.

This time the bush moved as if hit by a sudden gust of wind. Better.

"Not good enough. Try to picture in your mind, make it as real as you can. A Death Eater attacking your... _dearest love_," he said, with a mocking intonation, "and then put that emotion behind the curse. Mean it."

Marya obediently closed her eyes. She tried to picture the scene – torches, moving shadows in the darkness. A dark-hooded figure pointing a wand at the one she loved. She imagined the beginnings of a Cruciatus Curse forming on the lips of the Dark Wizard, imagined Severus' knees buckling as the spell hit.....

With a shout, she took one step forward, her wand flew up - and the roots of the shrub blew apart as if hit by lightning, sending it flying.

"Better." His voice was cool now. "Shall we continue tomorrow?"

She nodded mutely.

"My office, 8 pm," he said before stalking away without as much as another glance towards her.

Marya stared at the remains of the bush in slack-jawed amazement. She had never been able to anything remotely like this before. No matter how much he sneered and ridiculed, he was a good teacher. She would take all the help she could get.

- - -

When Marya showed up at his office the next evening, Snape was already waiting for her.

"Follow me," he said, and led her to a dungeon a couple doors down the hallway.

When she walked through the door, she noticed in trepidation that the floor and walls had been covered with thick padding. What did Snape know that she didn't?

"Positions," Snape said, and Marya obediently moved to one end of the room. The Potions master took the other.

"We will focus on practicing blocking and disarming," Snape said. "Defend yourself. _Expelliarmus_!"

His wand pointed at her before she even had a chance to prepare. The force of the spell caused her wand to fly out of her hand, and threw her against the back wall with a heavy thud. The impact completely knocked the wind out of her. Well, she now knew what the padding was for.

Snape strode over and proffered his hand. "Well, that was impressive," he sneered.

Marya let him help her up, more injured in her pride than anywhere else. "You could have given me a minute to get ready."

"In real life, you will not have a minute," he snapped. "You will need to be alert and ready at any time."

After Marya summoned her wand, they moved back into positions.

"Let's try again," Snape said. "Avoid or counter the spell any way you can think of. _Expelliarmus_!"

He worked her mercilessly for about two hours. After the twentieth time she hit the padding, she lost count. Bathed in sweat, her hair hanging in disheveled tangles, and so tired that she could barely stand up any more, she was more than relieved when Snape finally decided to call it a day. But she had learned how to block much more efficiently, her reaction time had become much better – and she had even succeeded in disarming her instructor once or twice. Progress, definitely.

As he held the door open for her to leave, she stopped. "I can't thank you enough for doing this,"she said hesitantly. "I know you are quite busy – may I ask why you offered to help me out? It was... unexpected, though quite welcome."

"Well, everyone knows I always wanted to teach Defense against the Dark Arts, do they not?" he said with a sneer. "Honestly, it has nothing to do with you. I am indebted to Albus Dumbledore. Keeping you from getting killed or incapacitated within five seconds seems a reasonable way to repay him, since _he_ at least _does_ seem to care about you."

As soon as the sentence was out of his mouth, he regretted it. He could see in her face that it had stung her.

"Well, thank you anyways," she said quietly, and turned to leave.

"Tomorrow, same time?" he called after her.

"I'll be here," she answered.

For more than a fortnight, Snape worked with her almost every evening, though he kept the lessons to about an hour or so after the first night. Every morning Marya discovered muscles aching she didn't even know she possessed, and required the use of a potion to even be able to get out of bed. Every inch of her felt bruised and battered.

She was amazed at how much progress she was making though – now, she was able to block and deflect most unfriendly spells fairly proficiently, and she as able to use a variety of curses and hexes, offensively and defensively. On Friday night, she was back in the dungeon, where Snape was waiting. There were cages with animals of assorted size lined up along one wall.

"I suggest we work on stunning spells today," he said as soon as she arrived.

"I doubt you will be able to do much damage at first, but I would rather not have you practice on me, just on the off chance you are having a good day," he said, one corner of his mouth curling up.

Marya sighed. She hated to admit it, but his confidence in her 'abilities' was probably justified. Determinedly, she set to work.

She had progressed from being able to stun a mouse to being able to stun a small dog when she saw his face go paler than usual, and his hand clutch his forearm.

"I am afraid I will have to go," he said in a clipped voice.

As he hurried out the door, she called after him. "Severus!"

He paused for a second.

"Take care of yourself," she whispered awkwardly. He nodded without looking at her, and then he was gone.

- - -

Marya went back to the dungeon the next evening, but he wasn't there. The cages of animals were still lined up along the wall. She decided to just go ahead and practice on her own.

After several futile attempts, she gave up. She simply couldn't concentrate. Her heart and mind were elsewhere.

Usually he was only gone for a few hours when he was summoned. Often, no one knew he had even gone until he showed up at Headquarters to give a new report. What was taking so long?

She was pacing back and forth in her quarters later that night when she felt a strange sensation. It took a second to register – it was the pendant she had worn day and night since it had been given to her, pulsating gently against her skin.

* * *

A/N: I promise we are not heading for a Severus-almost-Crucio'd-to-death-and-Marya-nurses-him-back-to-health finale. Cross my heart.


	25. In the dark

As Marya stepped out onto the hearth of No 12 Grimmauld Place, she was met by Arabella Figg.

"What is going on?" Marya asked, her heart beating fast.

"An attack on a Muggle place in Cornwall, that's what," Arabella said, obviously distressed. "Some sort of farm, I believe. You are one of the first ones to show up – Tonks and Mad-Eye are already out there. Better get going." With that, she pointed to a pile of pebbles. "Portkeys. Be careful, dear."

As soon as Marya felt solid ground under her feet again, she rolled off to the side and crouched down, not knowing what to expect. She dropped the pebble carefully into her pocket. In the light of the half-moon, she could see that she was in a desolate stretch of gently rolling countryside. Next to her was a low stone wall. Carefully raising herself so she could see over it, she could barely make out an old dairy barn sitting on one side of the enclosure. Dilapidated farm equipment and piles of more rock were strewn around the grassy field. Off to one side, there was an empty watering trough.

As she looked in that direction, she heard a whispered, "Psst. Marya. Over here." Following the voice, she could make out two figures crouching behind the scant shelter. As noiselessly as she could, Marya climbed over the wall and loped over to the trough, keeping low to the ground.

Tonk and Moody were looking towards the side of the barn Marya had not been able to see from her previous vantage point. As her eyes adjusted to the low light, she could make out a handful of cloaked, hooded figures holding flickering torches, standing in a rough circle. Inside the circle, there was something on the ground.

"What is going on?" she asked the two Aurors in a whisper.

"I don't know. That is what worries me." Moody said through clenched teeth. "But I can tell you that those are Muggles on the ground. Five or six. I don't know if they are dead or merely unconscious."

The sight of that limp pile in the midst of the Death Eaters made Marya's Healer blood run cold. Yet she knew it would be foolishness to barge in there on some half-cooked plan to free the Muggles.

At that moment, several more members of the Order appeared on the other side of the wall, Lupin and Shacklebolt among them. Tonks and Moody went to fill them in, while Marya kept an eye on the barely visible group across the field, ready to raise the alarm should anything change. Nothing did.

Fnally, Tonks, Moody, and Lupin crept back to where she was.  
"We have to do something to help those Muggles. They could be dying as we are sitting here," Marya whispered urgently.

"I don't like it. Smells like a trap," Moody said grimly.

"She is right though. We can't just wait and do nothing," Lupin said. "Let's try and get closer, at least."

With Moody, who could best see what the enemy was up to, in the lead, the members of the Order crept up towards the eerily silent group, taking shelter behind rock piles and a wheel-less old wagon to stay out of sight. When they were as close as they could hope to get without being discovered, they stopped to regroup.

"What are they waiting for?" whispered Tonks."Why aren't they _doing _anything?"

- - -

Severus Snape stood in the neglected gardens of the ramshackle manor house where the Dark Lord had summoned his Death Eaters. Around him were more than a dozen of Voldemort's servants, all ready to disapparate on command.

He didn't like this at all.

They had been informed of the time and location of the attack early that evening after being entertained and regaled since the evening before by a Dark Lord who seemed to be in a particularly good mood – and Severus in turn had informed Dumbledore, apparating to Headquarters for just a second to drop off a note containing the information, under the guise of having to use the privy.

From then on, things had not gone at all as expected. The Dark Lord had gone off with two of his most trusted servants, and there had been a lengthy conference. Snape had done his best to get close enough to overhear the discussion, but had been unsuccessful.

Then they had been separated into three groups, and the first group had disapparated along with the Dark Lord to who knows where. The second group had disappeared soon thereafter, leaving Snape and the rest to wonder what on earth was happening.

It was obvious that Lord Voldemort suspected a spy in their midst, and was taking precautions to minimize the possible damage. Too often Aurors had shown up unexpectedly and interrupted the Dark Lord's revels. There wasn't anyone he trusted completely.

Once they had been split into groups, no one had been allowed to be alone for even a second. He had not had a chance to talk to Dumbledore at all after that. The leader of his group had pulled aside five of their number, and huddled with them for several minutes. Then those, also, had disappeared. Severus found himself getting more and more nervous as the time drew closer. Something was going horribly wrong. He wished he knew what the hell was going on.

Finally, their leader spoke up.

"Our comrades have gone ahead, and have hopefully by now captured a family of Muggles that our Lord has given us for our entertainment. He has arranged to have the information leaked to appropriate Ministry sources. Aurors should be arriving presently to defend the filthy little creatures. In a few minutes, we will apparate far enough from the location so our arrival will not be heard. We will then surround enemy forces quietly from behind. When we have got them completely enclosed, we will attack. Whichever of them we can...dispose of, we may. Our main goal though is to keep them occupied. So take your time, enjoy yourself, there is no hurry. We want the attention of those Muggle-lovers and mudbloods on us for as long as possible."

Severus was glad that the mask he was wearing hid how white his face had turned. He had just sent the Order smack dab into the middle of a trap. At trap that was nothing but a diversion, while the Dark Lord's real business was being conducted somewhere else.


	26. Do Not Move

The command to disapparate came within minutes. Severus found himself on a narrow country road, torchlight flickering about half a mile away.

Their leader called them together. "When we get there – you, to the left, and you, to the right. Spread out along the perimeter. I will send out a signal when we are ready to attack. No noise."

- - - - -

The members of the Order had formed a rough circle of their own around the Death Eaters and their ghastly pile. Marya was taking shelter with Remus behind a pile of old wooden boards. Her eyes had searched the hooded figures for a familiar tall, thin frame, but she had found nothing. Severus was not here. She didn't know if she should be relieved or disappointed.

- - -

Severus Snape was thinking furiously. He had to warn the Order, somehow. Distancing himself from the group right now and running ahead would be too obvious – there was too much light from the half-moon.

He found his chance when they arrived at the spot from where they would start spreading out, the far corner of the walled field. Motioning that he would take the central position, he waved the masked figures on. They disappeared one by one, bent over alongside the low walls.

As soon as the last ones were out of range, he climbed cat-like over the wall, and noiselessly, carefully, made his way across the field. For once, he was grateful for the black mask and hood, which camouflaged him admirably in the darkness. Suddenly, he saw movement ahead. He darted behind an old wagon and stopped.

Ahead of him in the dim light, he could see Marya and Remus Lupin behind some half-rotten lumber. He sharply drew in his breath – not her. Not here.

They seemed to be having an animated whispered discussion, too low to be overheard. Marya started to rise. Lupin shook his head and, putting a protective arm around her shoulders, pulled her back down.

All of a sudden, a wave of white-hot hate rolled over Severus

_Lupin, who had almost killed him, part of that murderous "prank". Lupin, who was the last of the loathsome foursome to exist alive and unbroken. Lupin, who had gotten the job Severus deserved, who had a gift for making people like him, who had his arm around Marya. The werewolf did not deserve this._

Severus had _suspected_ when he kept seeing Lupin and Marya together, in comfortable conversation, seemingly every time he showed up at Grimmauld Place. He had _suspected _when he had seen Marya blushing prettily as Lupin whispered into her ear, as he had seen them laugh together at some private joke. He had _known _when he had watched them through the window of the Leaky Cauldron, seen her hand on his, seen her kiss that half-human good-bye, gently on the cheek, the same way she had once kissed _him_.

_He could just kill him now. The world would be a better place. An Avada Kedavra, and it would be over. He could disapparate, back to the spot where he was supposed to be; no one would ever know. It would be easy, so easy. _

As quickly as the hate had risen, it subsided, leaving an acrid taste in his mouth. He knew then he would not kill the werewolf. It came as a bitter revelation that the reason he wanted to kill Lupin was the same reason he could _not_ kill him. Because Marya cared for that animal. She had lost enough in her life. He would not be the one to cause her more pain.

Not until that moment had he admitted to himself that nothing had changed since the day she had shown him the WinterStar. He still cared about her. As much as his pride had tried to talk him out of it, it had remained there, in the back of his mind. And so the wolf would live.

- - - -

The whole train of thought had taken no more than a couple of seconds. He shook the thoughts off with a shrug. Right now, he had other things to worry about.

Looking around, and seeing no one other than the two in front of him, Severus set out to get their attention. "Psst..."

Lupin whirled around, alarmed, wand at the ready. Marya's face looked back at him wide-eyed and pale. Heavens, she looked scared. It only took a second, and the look changed, to one of relief, of...joy?

"Remus, don't, it's Severus." He was surprised she had recognized him that quickly, even with the mask and hood on.

Severus hurried over to them. "Remus, you need to warn the Order. There are more Death Eaters, surrounding this place as I speak. This is a trap. I didn't know."

Roughly he grabbed Marya's arm. "You are coming with me."

"Wait a _minute, now_..." Lupin said warningly.

"We don't have a minute," Snape said impatiently. "I have been practicing dueling skills with her, and believe me, she is no match for any of the Death Eaters out there. I can keep her safe. Can you?"

"It's ok, Remus," Marya said quickly, "go. There is no time..."

With a dark look, Remus nodded, and disappeared.

Dashing back and forth, , Marya in tow, Severus made his way back to the wall, back to where he was supposed to be. Things were out of his hands now.

"Is it only Order here right now? No Ministry Aurors?" he hissed in Marya's ear.

"Only those Aurors that are part of the Order," Marya whispered back. "Why?"

Snape didn't answer. That was one bit of good news. If the Ministry Aurors showed up later, if the other Death Eaters had not realized that they were still missing, that it was a different group they had surrounded, there could be an element of surprise that could be more than useful...

Grabbing Marya's chin so hard it hurt, Severus forced her to look at him.

"You will stay right here, behind this wall. There is no one behind us, so you should be safe. Do. Not. Move. _Stay_ here. Do I make myself clear?"

Marya looked mutinous. "I am not going to sit here like a coward. I don't ..."

"You will do _exactly_ as I say, or I am going to cast a nice spell on you that you will not wake up from for another hour or two, understood?"

Marya was by now looking daggers at him.

"Don't go all Gryffindor on me, you don't have it in you," he snarled. Then, with a sigh, he said more calmly, "Look, you can see what is going on, you can cast spells, you can watch everyone's back, all while being able to duck and disappear if you need to. I am not expecting you to simply watch. But in a one on one duel, you would not last more than a few minutes. Here, you may actually do some good."

Reluctantly, Marya saw the logic behind that statement.

"Alright," she said bitterly. "I'll stay."

"Good girl," Severus said facetiously.

At that moment, most of the Death Eaters guarding the Muggles wavered and limply fell over. It seemed the Order had decided on some proactive action instead of waiting to be caught between two groups of enemies.

At the same time, a green light erupted, casting an eerie glow over the scene. The skull-and-serpent rose high into the sky.

"Time to go," Severus said grimly, and with a swift movement jumped over the wall and disappeared.

* * *

A/N 

Morrolan - I had the chapter ending in a much worse spot, and decided to move that over into the next chapter so that the story doesn't "hang" there, just for you :-)

Thanks for wishing me luck and the encouragement - this chapter went way better!


	27. Back from Azkaban

The field, which just seconds before had appeared empty and completely deserted, exploded in furious activity. Shadowy figures were jumping the walls, and battle erupted under the unnatural green light. There appeared to be just a few more of the enemy's forces than there were Order members; the two groups seemed almost evenly matched.

Marya saw Tonks dueling with a short Death Eater who kept her on her toes, darting back and forth, using whatever she could for cover, while a curse coming from Kingley Shacklebolt's wand hit another hooded figure in the chest. As his enemy crumpled, the tall, strong wizard already turned to help out Tonks.

Marya's eyes scanned the field restlessly. Finally, she spotted Severus in the very center of the action. It almost made her laugh. He was dueling with Emmeline Vance. They were putting on a perfect show. It would have taken very close observation for anyone to notice that in the furious back and forth and dramatic wand-waving the spells were actually skillfully aimed at Death Eaters battling around them. It was an amazing display of wizarding craftsmanship, and Marya would have loved having the leisure to simply watch them.

At that moment, the wood pile that Marya had been hiding behind earlier burst into flame from a wayward Incendio curse, and the smoke and flickering light added to the surreal feel of the scene.

Remus Lupin was fiercely battling a tall wizard, not noticing that another Death Eater was coming up right behind him. Silently giving thanks for the time spent in dueling lessons the last couple weeks, Marya cast a blasting spell - and saw the assailant grab his leg and fall. Well, at least Severus had been right – she could do some good even from here.

She was too far away though. It was hard to see from all the way across the field, and even harder to get a clear line-of-sight shot, with all the obstacles cluttering the area around the barn. Reasoning that as long as she stayed behind the wall she was still safe and therefore within the spirit of the promise she had made, if not the letter, she slowly made her way closer to the center of the action.

The waves of battle rolled back and forth. The air was filled with shouts, curses, and the shuffling of feet. Green and red sparks; white beams coming off wand tips flickered in the darkness.

She saw Dedalus Diggle's arms snap to his side, and saw him fall forward stiff as a board, his violet top hat tumbling to the ground. "Ennervate!" Marya shouted frantically, willing the frail old wizard to get up again. She breathed a sigh of relief when he scrambled back up on his hand and knees.

Severus and Emmeline were still at their little charade. Remus and Tonks were back to back now, fighting the enemy while protecting each other. There were several Death Eaters down, but she had lost track of a couple of the Order members as well.

At that moment, there was a loud popping noise, and a figure apparated not too far from Marya. Then another. And another. The Ministry Aurors had arrived.

- - -

Marya gave a shout of relief as more and more of them popped out of thin air in front of her, more than enough to defeat the Dark Wizards. Within seconds her relief turned to panic, as she realized that she had forgotten about one small detail. These people had no clue that Severus was not one of the enemy. And they were allowed to kill.

Frantically, her eyes searched back and forth through the masses of bodies moving back and forth. She saw Severus, quickly glancing left and right, and moving deftly as he now had to defend himself against an enemy who was clearly in the majority. A Ministry Auror apparated right behind him. With a wild cry, Marya shot out a stunning spell, and though it wasn't strong enough to take the Auror down, at least it made him stumble, buying some time. Just for a second the schizophrenic nature of what she had just done hit Marya – attacking an Auror to keep a Death Eater safe. She could go to Azkaban for that. She didn't care.

What happened next, she saw almost in slow motion – an Auror turned, his mouth moved as his wand shot out. She saw Severus jerk back as the curse hit him, and then saw his knees give way, saw him fall, hitting the ground limply with a sickening thud.

A scream stuck in her throat, Marya was over the wall, running towards Severus. Out of nowhere, Remus appeared, blocking her way with his arms. "What are you doing, get back..."

Marya struggled frantically to get by him. Not until the last second did she see the Death Eater, not until a beam of green light from his wand passed across Remus' chest and she felt him collapse, not until the same beam hit her, and for a millisecond the world exploded in pain before it faded to black.

- - - -

The next thing Severus knew was a wave of pain, and the feeling of being dragged across uneven ground. The voice of Emmeline Vance was frantically whispering counter curses. "Dammit, Severus, wake up," she hissed in his ear, "you have to get out of here."

He tried to lift himself up into a sitting position, but the grating of bone against bone told him that putting weight on his left wrist was impossible. Suppressing a moan, he sank back down. Emmeline manhandled him into a sitting position against a rock pile she had dragged him behind. "Get out, now..." She pushed the wand he had not even realized he had lost into his uninjured hand. "Now!"

With all the strength he could muster, he disapparated.

A second later he found himself in the garden behind the manor house again. Around him, he could hear faint popping sounds as more members of his group reappeared. Obviously he was not the only one to have retreated from the scene – the opposition had become too overwhelming.

A short distance away, he could see the Dark Lord holding court. Severus recoiled, and gave a second look. There were many familiar figures that he had not seen in a long while. Lucius Malfoy was kneeling on the floor making obeisance to his Master. Behind him, there were others. Rookwood. McNair. The two Lestrange brothers. Avery. It was obvious now where one group of Death Eaters had gone – there was a cluster of wizards and witches still in the tattered garments of Azkaban prisoners grouped off to the side, some with fearful, some with exultant faces.

Cradling his useless arm, Severus crawled over to where a circle surrounded the near-reptilian form of the Dark Lord, and knelt to kiss the hem of his robe. "My Lord, I have returned."

"As you can see, we have some brothers to welcome back," the Dark Lord said with a sweeping gesture. The elated mood he had displayed a day earlier had gone. _Something_ must have not worked out according to plan.

"I am pleased beyond measure to see our old comrades restored to us," Severus replied, again bowing low to the ground.

"You are injured. Take yourself off – you will not be needed again tonight," the Dark Lord said dismissively.

"Thank you, my Lord. You are too kind," Severus said, crawling backwards

"As for you," the Dark Lord turned to the ragged group of convicts, "You will now have to decide if you want to serve, or die..."

- -

Madam Pomfrey gazed at the exhausted figure of the Potions master in front of her.

"Well, and just how did you manage to do that?" she said conversationally, carefully examining the broken wrist

"I fell," he said warily. In a way, that was the truth.

Poppy Pomfrey looked at the disheveled state and dirty robes of her colleague with a disbelieving look. She doubted that that was all there was to the story.

Within a minute, the wrist was mended. "You better not put too much strain on that for a couple of days," she said, as she finished treatment. "And you better get some rest. You look positively exhausted."

"I will," Severus promised. As he got up, he asked offhandedly, "You haven't seen Professor Morava by any chance, have you?"

"Goodness, you haven't heard then?" Madam Pomfrey said surprised. "She is in St. Mungo's. Hurt pretty badly, I believe. Soon the whole school will end up over there, first Harry Potter, then her, poor thing..."

Severus wheeled around sharply. "Harry Potter? Marya? What happened?"

"Well, no one knows, exactly. We never may. But somehow, You-Know-Who lured him into his clutches once more. Don't know how Harry did it, but somehow he survived yet again. I swear that boy has more lives than the average cat." She shook her head. "Bloodied and bruised, mind you. The Headmaster showed up when it was almost over – one of You-Know-Who's own – Pettigrew, I think is the name? – well, he died, but somehow our Harry made it again. Don't know what happened with Marya either, exactly – something about a Dark Wizard attack. Enough news for now - off with you, and get some rest."

Severus left abruptly. There was an icy feeling in his chest. What had gone wrong? He had thought her safe and sound. He knew he would take himself off alright – but getting rest would have to wait.

* * *

A/N: 

Nistrale, thanks for wishing me luck! I am happy to be past the action part now, I hope this chapter is alright!

blackdragonofdeath13, I am glad you like the story. Thanks for reviewing!

Me - I am really trying to keep the tension at this point. Don't know how well I am succeeding...

Morwen24 - glad you like the characterization and the story. Thanks for reading!

Thank you, all reviewers! I really truly appreciate you taking the time to leave feedback. You are such an encouragement!!


	28. Aftershocks

Severus Snape sat down on the bedside chair after nervously pacing the room. She was still unconscious. The Healers were saying that there would be no permanent damage, and that the spell would wear off soon, but as much as he wanted to believe that, he would have much preferred her to wake up so he could see for himself.

The last few hours had been spent in self-flagellation. He should have suspected a trap. He should have taken precautions. He should have figured out a way to get a warning out before it was almost too late. So many should-haves.

Carefully, he laid a hand on her forehead, brushing her hair back. She was so pale.

He snatched his hand back with an almost guilty look when he heard the knock on the door. It opened, and Molly Weasley stuck her head in for about the third time that day. "Is she awake yet?"

"No. No change." Severus rose from the chair and leaned back into a corner of the room, allowing Molly to take his place.

"Why could the stupid girl not stay where she was supposed to be," he said bitterly, almost to himself. Molly's seemed to listen less his words to than to the tone of his voice and the look on his face as he spoke.

"It's not your fault, you know," she said calmly. "You had no way to prevent any of this."

Severus snorted.

Not his fault that the Order had been caught in a trap that could have cost them a whole lot more than it did, and that five Muggles were dead.

Not his fault, that the Order had been neatly sidetracked to a cow barn in Cornwall, while elsewhere another group of Death Eaters had rendezvoused with a flurry of Dementors and sprung many of the Dark Lord's most loyal servants out of Azkaban.

Not his fault Harry Potter was in a room two floors up from where Severus stood, miraculously still alive.

Today had not been just the Muggle-baiting session he had thought it would be, a minor incident. It had been the Dark Lord's official declaration of war on the rest of the Wizarding world. From now on, the gloves were off.

He snorted again. He should have known. He should have found some way to prevent this. Fine spy he was.

- - -

At that moment a small moan drew their attention back to the girl on the bed. Marya's head was turning slightly, her hands making grasping motions at the blanket that was covering her.

_There was darkness, disorientation_. Marya had no idea where up or down was. She was floating aimlessly, driftling, tumbling. At the same time, there was a feeling of incredible weight, pushing on her from all sides, stifling and suffocating her. She was trying to fight it. _There was something she should remember, something terribly important..._

Slowly the dark became less oppressive; the weight lifted slightly. _There had been darkness, and green light, and noises...something had happened..._

Suddenly, a picture snapped into focus, the last thing she remembered – Remus Lupin's outstretched arms blocking her way. She had struggled to get away, and all of a sudden his arms had turned into dead weight...

"Remus?" Marya's eyes flew open and she looked wildly into Molly's face. Severus flinched as if something had bit him. Quickly and quietly, he left the room.

"He's fine Marya, don't fret," Molly said soothingly. "He is biggerand stronger than you; he already woke up a couple of hours ago. Really, he will be just fine...," Molly continued to stroke Marya's hair, talking to her like she would to a hurt child.

The weight threatened to overwhelm her again. Marya was fighting to hold onto this shred of consciousness. _There is something else, something I need to know, something I need to remember, oh God, help me remember..._

And then the memory came back with all its horror. Marya struggled up, grabbing Molly's arm. "Severus. How about Severus?" Her voice was panicky, semi-hysterical.

Molly gently pushed her back on the pillows, "Shh. He is alright – he is right..." Looking around, she just now noticed that the Potions master had left. "Well, he _was_ right here just a minute ago."

"He fell...," Marya whispered, her voice trailing off as relief flooded over her. He had been here. He was alright.

Molly spoke softly."Well, from what I've heard, he got hit by a pretty nasty curse, but Emmeline managed to get him mobile enough to disapparate. Not one minute too early, I think. All the Death Eaters pulled out just a bit after the Ministry people showed up. Severus just got a few nasty bruises and a broken wrist. He's fine. Go to sleep now. Go to sleep..."

Marya allowed herself to drift off to the soothing sound of Molly's voice. It had taken every once of strength to hold on as long as she had. She could sleep now, in peace.

- - -

Severus leaned against the wall outside the shut door for just a second, closing his eyes in complete exhaustion. He had not had any sleep for close to 72 hours now. That would be the explanation for the heaviness that filled his being. Even the energizing potion he had talked one of the Healers into giving him was not accomplishing much any more. Forcing himself to move, he walked down the corridor. There was nothing he could do here any more. He might as well go back to Hogwarts.

As he walked down the long hallway, he glanced through an open door. For a second he stopped short, pressed against the wall. The occupants of the room were oblivious to his presence.

Nymphadora Tonks sat on the edge of the bed, one hand caressing Remus Lupin's face.

He was looking up at her, neither of them speaking, the fingers of his hand interlaced with hers.

Severus let out a low hiss as he continued on. _So the werewolf wasn't putting all his eggs in one basket, was he? He should have killed him while he could..._

_- - - _

Marya stepped out of the fireplace in her room, and brushed the ashes off her cloak. She was still a bit the worse for wear, but it had only taken her a couple days to recover enough to return to Hogwarts. She had waited for Severus to come back, but he had never shown.

She changed into a comfortable robe, and made her way down to the staff room. The last image she had of him still kept playing in front of her eyes at the most unexpected times, and she needed to replace it with something else. She needed to see him.

Professor Flitwick greeted her warmly, and pulled up a chair. They had only been told that she had been ill, and she certainly looked the part. Chatting with her colleagues, thanking them for their concern, she kept scanning the room. After a short time, she excused herself, and found her way down to the dungeons.

The door to Snape's dungeon was open. She could see him, leaning over a steaming cauldron, totally focused on his task. For several minutes she just stood watching. Her heart clenched painfully in her chest. He looked so tired, so pale. She just wanted to...with an effort, she banished the thought from her mind, and softly knocked on the massive door frame.

He looked up. For a second, an expression flitted across his face she did not have time to recognize. As quick as it had come, it disappeared, leaving his face as impassive as usual.

"You are back."

"Yes," Marya said awkwardly. "I just wanted to come by and thank you for your concern. Molly Weasley told me you came and checked on me..."

"You are recovered?" he asked, emotionlessly.

"For the most part. I know you were hurt – are you well again?"

"Just fine." There was a note of derision in his voice. "And as I hear that Remus Lupin has quite recovered from the result of your stupidity as well, we are all just fine."

Marya bit back tears. "I know, I should have stayed, but..."

"You endangered not only yourself, but other members of the Order," he interrupted, his voice cold and steely. "Do you not have the sense of a flubberworm? What on earth possessed you to run out there like that? You promised you would stay behind the wall. Why in the name of Merlin didn't you?"

"I couldn't...I just couldn't..." she whispered. In the back of her mind, she heard Aunt Hannah's voice – "_Tell him...You don't want regrets_..." One look at his face, and she knew that it was hopeless. She couldn't explain. "I better go."

As she walked down the dank and dark pathway, she made her decision. She just couldn't do this any more.

- - -

Marya walked up to the gargoyle, and after giving the password ("gummy worms"), it let her through to the winding staircase that lead up to her god-father's study. There was no answer when she knocked on the door.

"Hello?" Trying the handle, she found the door open. The office was deserted, except for the magnificent bird on its perch.

"Hello, Fawkes," Marya said politely. "I don't expect the Headmaster is around, is he?"

She had hoped he would be here, but it really was too much to expect at the present time. She walked over to the desk, and borrowed a quill and a piece of parchment. Dipping the quill into the bottle of purple ink she found next to it, she sat for a minute and thought. Then, she wrote with quick and decisive strokes.

_Dear Uncle Albus,_

_I am sorry I am not able to tell you in person, but I don't know when I will next see you. It is with deep regret that I have to let you know that I will not be returning to Hogwarts next year. Just in case, I made inquiries as to the possibility of employment while at St. Mungo's, and they are prepared to take me back._

_I think I will be in a better position to help the Order there, anyways._

_I hope I am not leaving you in too much of a lurch, but I thought it better to tell you now so you have the whole summer to find yourself a replacement Ancient Runes mistress (or master, as the case may be.)_

_I have loved teaching and my students, but there is something personal that just makes it too hard for me to stay here. I hope you will forgive me. I am sure I am disappointing you, but really, I tried my best._

_With love,_

_Marya_

She sealed the letter, and left it on the desk, where he would be sure to find it. She just couldn't do this any longer. It would be hard enough to see Severus at Order meetings, but she just couldn't face the prospect of another year of this exquisite torture every day. Only three more days, and the term would be over; the summer holiday would start. Then, she would be free to go.

* * *

A/N: 

lalaluu, your reviews made me positively blush! Thank you!

vanessa/CreationsofWriting - thank you for the compliments! I know where my bit of fluff falls in the grand scheme of things, but it has been a nice bit of escapism for me, and I am glad you are enjoying it!

Morrolan - well, with the next chapter, the tension should be well over :-)

Nistrale, crazy-physco, Hippy Gipsy, xkuroxshinobix, and everyone else who has reviewed - thank you for making my first fan fiction experience so enjoyable!

I am posting the next chapter simultaneously, and that will be pretty much the end... I have sort of an epilogue chapter planned after that, and that will be it.

So review after the next chapter and give me the whole skinny - what were your favorite bits? What stunk? Too much dialogue? Not enough dialogue? Too purple-prose? (Even though with this being billed as an old fashioned romance, I am entitled to some purple, LOL)

Anyways, let me know what you thought of the story, and what I could improve on the next one...


	29. The Astronomy Tower, of course

A/N: This is one of two chapters I uploaded today, so if you didn't read the other one, go back :-)

* * *

Severus Snape was patrolling the grounds after curfew on the last night of the term. He wasn't sleeping well these days anyways, so he might as well be doing something useful. Argus Filch had been quite grateful when he had told him he could go to bed. While checking the courtyard, he just happened to look up towards the Astronomy Tower - it was coincidence that he saw a small figure outlined against the darkening sky before it disappeared into the shadows. _Those dunderheads never learn_, he thought. _It always has to be the Astronomy Tower, doesn't it? How original._

Well, those little rule breakers would be in for a very nasty surprise tonight, he thought with savage pleasure as he started climbing the stairs.

- - - - -

Marya leaned against the wall at the top of the tower. The end of term had almost arrived. Tomorrow would be her last day as a teacher at Hogwarts. Soon, she would leave, back to St. Mungo's, back to the city.

She knew she wouldn't go to sleep easily tonight, and so she had climbed up for one more look at the clear, star-encrusted night sky. She would miss the stars. She would miss so much.

She stood lost in thought when the door forcefully opened and a voice snarled,"...and what do you think you are doing here?" Marya spun around, startled.

Severus Snape stopped abruptly when the light falling through the doorway illuminated her face. Flustered, he turned to leave. "I apologize, I didn't realize..."

"Stay, please," her voice interrupted him, with something like pleading. "Don't go."

Reluctantly, he stopped. Not knowing what compelled him, he walked up and leaned against the wall next to her. "It's a beautiful night," she said softly. Severus said nothing.

As they watched together, a small sliver of silver started to show above the mountains, growing larger by the second. Moonrise.

"I forgot. It is the full moon tonight, isn't it? Somewhere, Remus is transforming right now...," she said wistfully as the moon rose, so bright that it was casting shadows.

Severus' hands had balled into fists. So she wanted to talk about the werewolf, did she? He knew he should have just left. Too late now.

The image of her waking up, calling for Lupin, flashed before his mind. Then the image of Lupin and the Metamorphmagus. He had to let her know the wolf's true nature. She deserved to know all the facts before making a mistake.

"I saw him looking rather... cozy with Nymphadora Tonks," he finally said diffidently, and then firmly shut his mouth. There. He'd said it. The rest was up to her.

Her response startled him.

"I know, isn't it wonderful?" She looked at him, delighted. "The night we both were hurt, Tonks got so worried... turns out that she has been in love with Remus just about as long as he has been in love with her. And that night they were finally scared into being able to tell each other." She breathed a contented sigh. "It's... lovely. I love happy endings."

Before he had time to think, he blurted out, "But I thought that..." He closed his mouth with a snap.

"You thought what?" she asked. For once his face, usually so unreadable, looked perturbed.

"You thought... what?" she asked again.

Finally, reluctantly, he said, "I was under the impression that you and he..." Again he stopped.

Marya looked at him, and the dots finally connected in her mind. She started to laugh. "You thought we are together? Remus and I? Whatever gave you that idea?" She giggled. "Heavens, no. That is too funny."

"Well, I am glad that I could amuse you," Severus said stiffly and turned to go.

"Please don't go." There was a note of _something_ in her voice that compelled him to turn around. The smile had dropped off her face. Her eyes looked dark and shuttered now.

"Do you know that it is my last day at Hogwarts tomorrow? I am leaving tomorrow night." For a moment she paused, her face white in the bright moonlight. "There is something I want to tell you, but I don't know how to go about it."

She couldn't stand too look into his immobile face any more, it hurt too much. She turned away, looking at the moon with unseeing eyes, one hand nervously kneading the other.

"Severus, I didn't laugh _at_ you. I am so sorry if I gave you that impression. I laughed because it just struck me as funny that you of all people should think that... because, for what seems like forever, I haven't thought about any other man except you." She swallowed hard.

"I know you don't think very highly of me, and I have reconciled myself to that. I just wanted you to know that before I leave. I don't even know why, but I wanted you to know. That I think you are the bravest, most wonderful man that I know. That I love you, so much..." Her voice broke. "I better go now."

With her eyes on the ground, she quickly moved to the door. She had done it now. She needed to leave, leave before he could answer, and devastate her further.

"Wait." His voice stopped her dead in her tracks. Her heart was pounding. She heard him walk up behind her, felt his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him.

Ever so gently, he laid one hand on each side of her face, and tilted it up to look at him. Slowly, his thumbs wiped away the tears that had started to run down her cheeks. For a long moment, his black, glittering eyes looked into hers, an inscrutable look on his face.

And then he kissed her, tentatively, questioningly, his eyes never leaving her face.

What he saw there astounded him. It was like watching the sunrise. It amazed him that he could do that, make the light come on in her eyes like that. Whatever question his kiss had asked, that is where he found his answer.

Marya looked like she still hadn't grasped what was happening as his thumbs continued to caress her cheeks.

"You don't hate me then?" she asked in a small voice.

"No. I don't hate you," he said with an amused voice as his face broke into a smile, a real smile that lit up his face and crinkled the corners of his eyes.

It was that smile that undid her, more than even the kiss. She slung her arms around his waist, laid her head against his chest, and burst into tears.

Severus wrapped his arms around her and just held her, gently rubbing her back. He rested his cheek against her hair, inhaling the clean fragrance. He could have stood like this forever.

His Marya. To think that he had thought it all an act... he shuddered slightly. So much wasted time.

But now she was here in his arms, the most perfect and right thing he could recall. Her tears were starting to subside, and she nestled her face against his neck. Gently, with a fingertip, he tipped her face up to look at him.

His lips found hers again, and the tremble that ran through her body as they touched delighted him. He kissed her firmly and leisurely, savoring each moment. And this time, she kissed him back, sweetly, passionately. She had waited for this moment for so long.

For Marya, it was all a kiss should be, with butterflies in her stomach, weak knees, and stars in her eyes. As for Severus, for just a moment, a picture flashed in his mind, of coming in from the cold to a roaring fire, a good meal, and a warm bed. Sanctuary. Home.


	30. Last things

A/N: There was a bit of confusion with the two chapters I uploaded last, so if you missed one or the other, please go back and read that first!

* * *

After a few breathless minutes, Severus stepped back with an effort, and turned away.

"You don't want this," he said in a strangled voice. "Believe me, you don't."

"What do you mean?" Marya asked quietly.

He turned around, and grasped her arms.

"I have nothing to offer you. This war could go on for years. As long as the Dark Lord is alive, we could tell no one about this. If he found out, I could not guarantee your safety. Nor can I afford to give him access to anything that would allow him another hold over me. No one can know anything has changed. There may never be anything more than a minute here, an hour there. Realistically, I could be dead tomorrow. Is that what you want – secrecy, hide-and-seek, and a dubious future?"

"No, "Marya said quietly, reaching up with both hands to hold his face. "Who_ would_ want that? But I am willing to put up with all that if I can have_ you_."

She pulled his face down towards hers, and gently rubbed her nose against his cheek.  
"I love you."

"Why?" he asked in almost a whisper, as he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. The look on his face told Marya this was a question he needed answered, strange though it seemed to her.

She clasped her hands behind his neck, and bent backwards, looking up at him with a mischievous smile.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways," she intoned with mock solemnity.

"I love the way your voice commands a room with barely a whisper. I love the way you move your hands. I love the way you do what is right, even if it costs you. I love watching you work. I love how being with you is never boring. I love the way you face dangers that would make other men quake in their boots, and think it nothing out of the ordinary. I love the way your hair falls over your face. I love your wicked sense of humor. I love the way I feel when you hold me. I love..."

Right then, Severus put a finger over her mouth with a snort. "Enough already. I think I get the general idea."

Marya's face was serious now. "I meant it when I said I think you are wonderful. And I want a life with you in it, on whatever terms."

The mischievous grin came back on her face. "Besides that, you are a darn good kisser."

He bent over her with a wicked smile. "Well, in that case..."

- -

_Epilogue_

Marya was fixing tea. In just a few minutes, Severus would come home. This was her favorite time of day, and she looked forward to it, to simply sitting together, holding steaming cups, and talking about how the day had gone.

It was hard to believe it had been so long already. She smiled as she thought back to the night on the Astronomy Tower. When he had finally walked her back to her quarters, she had waited until he left, and then had snuck out again and retrieved a certain letter. Uncle Albus had never known how precariously close he had come to losing his Runes mistress.

Severus had driven her crazy more than once, those first few months. First, there had been awkward explanations on both sides. Then, it had taken him almost half a year to manage to vocalize three of the most common words of the English language. It was almost as if he had convinced himself so thoroughly over the years that no woman would want to be with him, that for him it wasn't a matter of _if_ she would change her mind and leave, but _when_. In which case he wanted to be left with a shred of dignity still intact.

At that moment, the sound of the door opening interrupted her thoughts, and she turned to greet him with a smile and a kiss.

"Tough day?" she asked. After two years, she had learned to interpret the small nuances of expression on his face that no one else would have been able to pick up.

"Hufflepuff First Years. Need I say more?" He laughed mirthlessly as he sat down in one of the easy chairs in front of the fire.

"A simple three ingredient potion, with clear instructions, and somehow the dunderheads managed not only to screw up the potion but to actually make a cauldron explode. I swear that I did not think that was even possible. Quite an accomplishment."

He wearily ran a hand over his eyes. "Half the class is in detention with Filch as we speak. Hope they enjoy every minute of it."

Marya had caught the gesture. "Are you not feeling well?"

"Just a headache."

Marya poured him a cup of tea. As he sipped the hot liquid, she stepped up behind him. Running her fingers through his hair, she gently planted a kiss on top of his head. With a light touch, she began massaging his temples. He leaned back and closed his eyes. Her skilled fingers continued to probe and knead, moving across his scalp, loosening the tension in the muscles of his neck and shoulders. Of course both Marya and Severus knew that a simple potion would have taken care of the headache quickly and efficiently, but by unspoken agreement both of them ignored that fact. Things were much more pleasurable this way.

Severus reached around with one arm, and pulled her onto his lap. He rested his head against her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him, and for the umptieth time gave thanks for his good taste in wives.

The first year had been difficult, trying to find precious seconds, minutes, and hours together. It had been hard to keep their relationship secret. When the War was over at last, he had asked her to marry him.

Not that things had gotten any easier then. He was so used to living on his own, so set in his ways. Making space for someone else had been an awkward process. It had driven him crazy, this constant togetherness. At times, he was sure she felt that marriage to the Giant Squid would have been infinitely more satisfying and peaceful.

The benefits had outweighed the drawbacks by a ton, though. It had been a new experience for him to have someone who was totally, unequivocally on his side. He could not imagine life without her any more, without someone to come home to, to talk with, to hold at night. She had asked him once where home was. He didn't have a good answer then. Now, he could have answered without hesitation.

- - -

Marya sat with her arms wrapped around her husband. She still turned to jelly every time he smiled at her. She loved him so much. Here they were, two professors, living in borrowed quarters in a school that would probably be their home for many more years to come. She could not have been happier in a mansion on the hill. She remembered a line from a movie she had seen a long time ago, when she was a child. It described her sentiments at this moment to a T.

"_Don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted."_

"_What happened?"_

"_He lived happily ever after."_

The End.

* * *

A/N: The line is, of course, from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed over the course of the last couple months – this has been so much fun for me!

Even if you read this months after it was finished, I would still love to hear from you - leave a review, pretty please!


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